Total Drama Detour
by pinkluver93
Summary: Chris takes in 20 characters from Adult Swim, Detour in Canada, and takes them on a journey around the world, while they try to win a cool mil in the process. Rated T for the usual drama, some cussing, e.t.c.
1. Egypt Me Of Everything

Hey guys. Just a Total Drama World Tour story with Adult swim characters. There's only those 19 ones I know well enough to write about. I added Renee as an OC, she lives by the ATHF(she's somewhat a mix between Gwen and Bridgette. Maybe I'll describe her later) Anywho, the drama starts...now =)

Chris:(by his jumbo jet) Welcome guys and gals! We're comin' at you live from...some abandoned airport in Toronto. So, we're back for season 3! You're probably wondering something, what happened to the other cast? Quite simple.

(all shown in hospital beds, severly hurt)

Chris: So while they all take their little break from my grasp, heheheh, the producers and myself have chosen 20 lucky souls out of the hundreds that auditioned whose lives are shown on Adult Swim, Cartoon Network's late night network, also on Teletoon's Detour here in Canada, and they'll all work for 1 million dollars, rewarded to the last person ever, the one who manages to stay on the plane the longest without getting kicked off. They will be flying around the world in this baby right here (shows jet) And this lil lady will be navigating it-(gets knocked out by Chef, who is in a dress) What will our new cast do when they arrive? Will there be more drama? Find out right now on...Total...Drama...Deeeeeeetoooooooourrrr!

(cue theme with Adult Swim characters in it)

Chris: Welcome back to Total Drama Detour! You're just in time, the newbies should be here any second (bus drives by and runs over Chef, who crawls out from underneath. Meg is first to walk out.)

Meg: Oh, my, gosh. I'm gonna be on TV I'm gonna be on TV! I'll be so popular at school! (sees Chris) And you always reminded me of our local news anchor, and...he's hot.

Chris: Uhhh, thanks. And welcome Meg. Go stand by there.

Stewie:(riding on Chris's shoulders) Let's go, let's go fatbody!

Chris: Dude, Mom fed you way too many beans. Haha! Beans make you FART!

Chris: Chris Mclean welcomes you, Chris. (pinches Stewies cheeks) And your lil baby Stewie.

Stewie: Careful what you say, dingbat, I can and may just cook douchebags for dinner.

Chris: I'll explain the catering later.

Brian: Man, this place is gonna suck worse than any Brad Pitt movie.

Chris: And their dog Brian is here too! Also on board(they walk off the bus as they are announced), Steve, Hayley, Roger, Brak, Zorak, Rusty, Early-

Early:(points a shotgun at Chris) Hey boy, I was promised some chewin' tobacco! Gimme it!

Rusty: Daddy quit all that bull**** I gave you some earlier!

Chris: You'll find things that are even better Early. Trust me.

Early: I got my eye on ya boy. (they both slither away)

Chris: Also here, Riley and Huey.

Riley: Yo man, **** all you b******! I'm here to win that mil so I can buy-(Chris puts hand on his mouth)

Chris: Dude, the crazy profane stuff you wanna buy can't be said on camera, on LIVE TV, okay?

Riley: Oh you mean the censoring bull****?

Huey: Yeah, that's why you was censored just now by those beeps.

Riley: Man ******** *** ****! (they both walk away) Damn!

Chris:...okay. Anywho, we also have Renee and the food trio, consisting of, Meatwad, Frylock and Shake!

Meatwad: Nah boy that wasn't our name, we was called the-

Frylock: Meatwad we don't go by that anymore, remember?

Shake: Well I came up with the golden name. I still remember it too! Aqua Teen Hu-

Chris: Hey man, a word of advice: Save your breath for the show, you're gonna need it.

Renee: That was more than a word. (Chris glares)

Shake:(laughs) Boom! You got TOLD! Hahahaha!

Chris:(sarcasticaly) Good to see we have some optimism coming on here! Great to have you Sunshine.

Renee:(glaring and smiling) Always a pleasure, Mr. Fametown Star.

Riley: You was a star of what?

Chris: Uh anyway! Here come our last passengers: Emily, Gummi, and Cheyenne Cinnamon!

Cheyenne: You can just call me Cheyenne.

Gummi: Yeah! She don't like her last name to be said all the time like that!

Chris: Good, cuz I like things short and sweet, like the chat time for now, let's go and see what the ole' jumbo jet has for us!

(After Chris has shown everyone around and explained all aspects about the show, including random musical numbers at anytime he chooses, he has them all sit in the dining area so they can await their first destination.)

Riley:(to Huey quietly, who's drawing something) Yo man. What happens... if both of us were tied to get the money? Would you split it with me?

Huey: Man I'm not sure yet, we just started. Remember when we was watching the first season of this show? And all that stuff happened between people?

Riley: Ohhhhhh you mean like aliases!

Huey: Alliances.

Riley: Yeah yeah that! (looks at the girls of the show) Maybe I can get all them girls to like me, than they fall for me and they gotta get they a**** kicked up outta the plane when they lose! I'll be nearer to that money!

Huey: I don't know about that. People find romance on the show sometimes and when I looked how them other kids were acting, it looked like true love.

Riley: Man forget this **** you makin' me sick!

(Chris walks out after a bell is heard, while wearing a dance outfit.) Whenever you hear that friendly litttle bell, it's musical numbah time! (crickets) So, let's here ya all sing!

Cheyenne: Singing is my thing allllll the way.

Emily: But what are we supposed to sing?

Chris: The point is to make these things a challenge, so...you gotta make it up as you go!

(All sing their musical number "Come Fly With Us" with a different sound. Meanwhile, Renee and Brian do not want to sing because of their attitude towards it.)

Chris: Looks like you two need a recap of the rules. Now, in order to avoid instant elimination... (Cheyenne reads the rules through song.)

Cheyenne: You, gotta, sing sing sing. If you don't wanna go bing bing bing.

Chris:...You on some sorta drug or something?

Cheyenne: How'd you know?

(Then they both somewhat duet together for a finish.)

Chris: Ah, this is gonna be a great season (smirking)

(About 2 hours later, all 20 of the contestants were standing near the pyramids of Giza in the heat of Egypt. Chris comes out being carried in a Pharaoh outfit.)

Chris:(sips a drink) Ahhh, nothin' like the good ole heat. Before we get started with anything, I gotta tie some loose ends up here.

Rusty: Ey boy, you killed someone?

Brak: Ooh, can I have his liver for breakfast? Haha!

Chris: No...and no. What I MEANT was I'm gonna split you up into teams. I was gonna do 3 teams, but since there's 20 of you, I decided to make it four teams of 5 this time.

Brian: We came all the way to this Hell so you could split us into teams?

Gummi: Yeah man we coulda just been chillin' on the plane while you did this!

Chris: Tough rocks sugar bear, I'm the one doing the show not you. Anyway, before I was soooooo rudely interrupted, I put all of your names on a generator by numbers. I put these randomized numbers onto this list (takes out a list) And we have 4 number spots here (points to number spots on the sand) When I call your name, go stand behind the number 1.

Chris:(confessional) This part is BORING. All they did was whine and complain, so, I'll show you the list of teams after they named themselves, which I'll show you after these messages! (cue commercial)

Team One(Chris is a Douchebag, named by Brian): Rusty, Early, Zorak, Brian, Roger

Team Two(Alpha): Meg, Hayley, Renee, Huey, Riley

Team Three(Mexico): Stewie, Brak, Meatwad, Steve, Chris

Team Four(Champion): Shake, Frylock, Cheyenne, Gummi, Emily

Chris: Now that you guys are on your teams, I'll explain today's super terrific challenge. (looking west) In about, eh let's say, 7 miles that direction, which is west, there's 3 camels chained to a fence. On foot, each team will take one of the 4 paths going that way. You gotta make it fast paced, you don't wanna be stranded without a camel, heheh. You'll have to drag your tired feet back in that case.

Riley: What if we don't wanna come back?

Chris: Hey, feel free not to come back, be stranded in the torturous heat with no water, I wouldn't mind having one less loser on the jet.

Riley: Man, take a joke damn.

Brian: What, the last team that comes back has to vote someone off?

Chris: Depends on how I feel. As you all know, the first one back with their camel rides first class to our next destination, so it'll be like a race, an interesting one at that. The team that gets here last, I'll keep your prize a sur-prise, heheheh. Now get your sorry butts movin'! (Teams run on their paths)

(About 30 minutes later, everyone is on their own path. The paths are split up from other paths, so one team can't see the other. All teams are doing adequately, and have already traveled 3 miles from the starting point. Meanwhile, on Team Chris:)

Roger:(feels his skin) Oh poo! My skin is all slippery now, I should've brought some bronzer and vaseline, my skin is ruiiiined! (looks at Zorak) Your skin looks marvelous, you're carrying some lotion I can use aren't you?

Zorak: Shut the **** up I'm not gay.

Early:(whilst leading the team) Hey! Don't yall make me come back there!

Brian: What the hell were we thinking putting him in charge?

Rusty: My daddy does a great job you lil' mutt dog!

Brian: I'll assume you're talking to me in slang then.

(Team Alpha)

Hayley: We can do it guys. Just keep your pace, and don't slow down!

Renee: What are you, a drill instructor?

Hayley: Well someone has to control this team, right?

Riley: Dang, you girls gettin' burned, all 3 of yall.

Meg: I know, when I'm with my besties, and when we get out in the sun, I ALWAYS get burned, but, my baby hunny back home doesn't mind. He loves the lobster look. (they look at her weird)

Renee: Guess I'm gonna need aloe after this.

Huey: Yeah, all 3 of you. Yall need some sunscreen next time.

Hayley:(confessional) Well this host guy is unpredictable! How was I supposed to know we'd be out in the heat with no protection? Hopefully things get better than this.

(Team Mexico)

Stewie: Keep walking, idiots! Don't stop now, wait (looks to see the 4 stopped)

Chris:(kicking sand in Meatwad's eyes) It's fun getting sand in my eyes and other peoples! HAHA!

Meatwad: Hey you guys need to try this, this some good stuff.

Brak: Ooh it looks fun! (throws sand in eyes) Ahhh!

Steve: Dude, this is a great idea! (eats it) Hey, Egypt sand doesn't taste bad either!

Stewie:(confessional) Those damn ****************! I'll get myself close to that money, and I'm not letting the Napolean Dynamite quad get me away, so all I did was...force them out of their idiocy! (evil music) Nah I just got them out of their trance, but yeah, I got them to quit eating the sand.

(Team Champion)

Frylock: We should be getting close.

Shake: Why didn't you bring that cart? We wouldn't have to WALK!

Frylock: Contract said vehicles weren't allowed Shake! You needed some exercise anyway!

Shake: I'll exercise on you! Yeah, I bet that's what you want, isn't it? Well I don't want it so there.

Cheyenne: C'mon guys, let's sing a song to make it go by faster.

Gummi: Let's not!

Emily: I see the camels up ahead. Let's make our pace faster.

Gummi: Hey man, this heat's killing me. (falls to the floor)

Cheyenne:(goes to him) Gummi! Come on man don't give up! Guys, Gummi dropped!

Shake:(both him, Emily and Frylock go to look) Dropped like a gumdrop.

Frylock: Well, can yall pick him up? We gotta win this so we dont vote no one off.

Emily: We gotta get to those camels, just carry him on your shoulder Cheyenne.

Cheyenne: No I wanna stay and help him! (gets into a song, comforts Gummi) Hush my little gummi bear, don't you go nowhere-

Chris:(pops out of nowhere) Just so you guys know, all the camels are taken due to your slow motion traveling, soooooo, you might wanna rush back. (Cheyenne tries to sing again, then he points a finger at her) And no singing unless a bell is heard!

(Team Chris)

(riding the camel, Rusty and Early have the neck, Zorak has the hump, Roger and Brian both hold on to the tail. They are trying to get their camel to the finish line or back where they started)

Brian: Why the hell do we have the tail?

Early: CUZ I SAID SO BOY! Now yall better hold onto that tail or I'll give ya both an *** whoopin.

Rusty: Ey, why can't I say ***? What the ****?... :/

Zorak: Just shut your mouth so he can get us to the damn line.

Rusty: Hey what the **** he said ****! Why I can't say it-

Early:(slaps Rusty) You want this win or not boy?

Rusty: Yes daddy.

(Team Alpha. Hayley has the top bump, Riley and Huey both ride on the neck, Renee sits behind them off the neck, Meg sits behind Hayley)

Meg:(looks at nails) But yeah, that's just one of my favorite places I get these babies done.

Hayley: Ummm, that's nice.

Riley: And gay, so gay that no one cares.

Meg: Maybe I wasn't talking to you so shut up.

Riley: Man make me fat *****!

(both start to argue, Hayley just grimaces and urges the camel to go faster)

(Team Mexico. Stewie rides on the neck while he has the others tied up in a rope and their mouths covered on the hump of the camel.)

Stewie:(enjoying the ride) Ride Sally ride!

Stewie:(confessional) I'm that good. I told them if they listen to my commands, they all will get a chocolate covered chocolate fudge ice cream cone..whenever I do get one. Anywho, it got us to the last camel there was! I'll be damned if I let the Quasi Quad get me behind. Either way, all 19 of these suckers are gonna go down farther than Michael Jackson's career..

(Team Champion. No camel so they're all running.)

Cheyenne:(holding a passed out Gummi, talking to Emily) Oh Emily, I hope Gummi improves, he's not lookin' good.

Emily: He will, if we run faster we'll get there. Maybe Chris'll get him rehydrated again.

Cheyenne: Great idea. (starts to sing) C'mon people let's get movin'...

Shake: Shutup already! God, it's slicing my eardrums in half and feeding them to scarabs or something!

Frylock: Uh, speaking of scarabs...(points to them running after the team, they scream and run faster)

(After a little bit, all 4 teams crossed the finish line very close together. But it seemed there were some problems.)

Chris: Well well well, it looks like Team Champion crossed the finish line first! (they cheer amongst themselves)

Stewie:(to his team still tied up) That's it, no ice cream! (they groan)

Brian:(at Early) Maybe the camel coulda gone a bit faster..

Early: Keep up them smart remarks and you'll be on my sh*tlist.

Hayley: So the team with NO CAMEL wins? How is that fair?

Chris: It isn't. If you came across the finish line with a camel, you're safe from elimination, and because of the tie, the 15 of you get to ride first class to our next destination. (the 3 teams with camels cheered)

Frylock: What the-, you never said-!

Chris: I know I know! I didn't mention that little rule at first, but if you really think about it, it makes sense regardless. Why else would I only put 3 camels? Heheh. (walking away) Team Champion, you're kickin' someone off tonight.

Gummi:(wakes up) Ugh, hey did we win or not?

Cheyenne: Winning doesn't matter Gummi, what matters is we all are alive including you. (Frylock and Emily look at her disappointedly, Shake glares at her)

(At the place where the vote-offs take place.)

Chris: Welcome to your first official elimination, camel-less not-so-champion teammates. So, I have 4 bags of peanuts and 1 parachute, what are the odds? The decision's made on who gets what by looking at whose passports you all stamped in the confessional. So listen carefully for your name, and head's up. Frylock, (throws peanut bag) Shake, (throws peanut bag) Emily, (throws peanut bag). (Cheyenne and Gummi look at each other.) So it's down to this...Cheyenne, you haven't been here long like the rest, and you break the rules by unnecessarily singing, on top of that, you forced your team to drop to Gummi's side when you were soooo close to the win. Gummi,...well, putting you out in the heat was a biiiig but funny mistake, considering you messed your whole team's focus up because your partner in crime here wanted to comfort you. Funny right? *crickets* Anyway, the last bag goes to...Cheyenne (throws bag)

Cheyenne: Gummi! It's too soon!

Chris: And you're gonna need this dude (throws parachute at Gummi)

Gummi: Alright fine! But can I atleast get some water man I'm still dehydrated-(Chef grabs Gummi and is about to throw him out of the plane)

Chris: Try and land in the Mediterranean Sea and maybe you won't die! (Gummi is thrown off the plane and screams)

Chris:(in the cockpit with Chef) So, now Team Champion is down to 4. Will the other 3 teams have bad luck like the so-called champions? Will people continue to look at Stewie as an innocent little baby? These questions and more hopefully answered next time on...Total...Drama...Deeeeeetoooouuurrr!  



	2. Cookoo for Cambodia

(Chris recaps last ep. Then theme song starts.)

(Camera shows the plane flying in daytime. Then it shows the 3 teams enjoying themselves in first class. Some enjoying spa treatments, some listening to music and talking, some eating foods and whatnot. Meatwad and Renee talk away from their teams.)

Meatwad:(picks his nose and pulls out a coin) See Ren? Told ya I could find that coin.

Renee: You know what'd be really cool is if you could pick your brain. You could show everyone you have had a brain all along.

Meatwad:(picks farther into his nose) Wait, I feel somethin' there...it may be a brain!

Renee: Awesome. (pulls out a huge camera) Wait till everyone sees this gold! (Hayley scowls at her, Renee not noticing.)

Hayley:(to Meg) I think that wad of meat is being pretty suspicious. He might be trying to leak out her weaknesses or something.

Meg: It's super cool how you're involved in the game, but don't they know each other back home?

Hayley: Well this isn't home, it's a goal to win a million! He's pulling something! (eavesdrops more)

(Some of the contestants surround Stewie at the bar admiring what a cute baby he is, and talking about some woman.)

Stewie: Yes yes, I definitely saw it coming. Her legs were chunkier than a happy fat child. See, I can be happy too. (gives baby eyes and some of them awe except the ones that wouldn't like Zorak, Early, e.t.c.)

Stewie:(cockpit confessional) I definitely am feeling the love today, I'm just that great! (quietly) And my chances here are even greater. (to Chef) Hey!...I've learned a new thingy to do! (sucks thumb)

Chef: Haha, I find that cute for once.

(In economy class, Team Champion enjoy the "luxurious" stay.)

Shake:(holding a spoon stuck inside a bowl of what is supposed to be pea soup, made by Chef) I feel like an orphan, I wasn't made to eat this stuff! (throws pea soup and it explodes)

Frylock: Eh, it's not like anyone would try to altercate him, have you seen the guy?

Shake: I was gonna tell him, but, he told me with his mind that it wasn't a good idea, you know me, I don't like to argue.

Emily: I hear there's a feast up in first class, I could really use "real" food right about now.

Cheyenne:(bummed about Gummi still) Yeah, same here.

Stewie:(holding plates stacked with yummy food) Don't worry fellow airmates, I wouldn't want you guys going hungry.

Shake: Finally! (gorges on the food)

Frylock:(raises an eyebrow) Ummm, this is nice and all but, why are you helping your opponents?

Shake:(between bites) Who cares? He wanted to help us, he wanted to help us. Not all people are selfish jerks you know. (gorging all the food, leaving the girls nothing to eat, much to their irritation)

Stewie: My parents want to raise a gentleman. Besides, I'd feel guilty if I didn't help, now enjoy you champions. (walks back and winks at the 2 girls, who smile back)

Chris:(in cockpit and looking at 2 buttons that open the doors, Chris and Chef both laugh as he pushes the buttons)

(All 19 contestants are sucked out of the plane and fall out of the sky onto a large, thick line of pillows in front of a tall, long buliding. A lot of groans and angry comments are heard as Chris walks up by them.)

Chris: "Chumree uhp soo uh", welcome to Phnom Penh, a.k.a. the capital of Cambodia!

Zorak:(scared and angry) I'm checking in at that hotel. (walks up to building) I'm done with this crap.

Chris:(stops him) Too bad this isn't a hotel, it's the exact opposite! (Zorak backs up) You are all looking at the legendary Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum, which formerly served as a high school and prison.

Brak: Did you just say genitals?

Chris: HAHAHAHA! Genital museum, now that's obviously funny.

Chris: Chris, my man, don't add fuel to the fire, m'kay? And FYI Brak, I did NOT say genitals, but genocide. Can any of you kiddies tell me the difference?

Frylock: Genocide is mass extermination and genitals are-

Chris: I said a "kiddie", not an adultie. Then again, you're right about the genocide part, this happened a lot here when it was turned into a prison.

Renee: Let me guess, you're gonna illegaly perform the Khmer rouge regime on us?

Chris: Not exactly, Sunshine (she glares) this is gonna be way more fun. Around out here, there's many places to hide, the key is to protect yourselves from being captured and arrested inside that scary place. Two teams will try to avoid being caught by 4 total members from the other 2 teams that will be waiting to torture their victims inside. Keep in mind that the four hunters will be doing all they can to try and capture you...with these (shows them tazer guns)

Roger: Oh my goodness, tazer guns kill people!

Chris: No they don't, they just stun you, kinda like an electric shock. The four "hunters" will each have one of these to shoot at the hiders. So, hiders, you might wanna avoid them at all costs, heh heh. Now for the fun part!

(Huey, Riley, Rusty and Early are chosen as hunters, while the rest of their teammates stay inside the museum, where Chris has set up the "water" torture for the captured. The rest are bait.)

Chris: Okay, the most successful team will win, so you guys better do your jobs right, you know who you all are. Go! (blows whistle)

(Team Champion find a place to hide, behind some buliding. Meanwhile Team Mexico come up, 10 feet behind them.

Stewie: We must'nt let them get us. (sees Cheyenne and Emily stay behind while the rest of the team go on.) Make a noise, and neither of you get ice cream when we get to 1st class.

Steve: You think we'll be there again?

Meatwad: He's a leader, a good leader. Let's cheer for him!

Stewie: No! No, let's..cheer later, now hush or we'll be caught! Talk amongst yourselves. (Chris talks about his belly button, Stewie goes walking up to the girls)

Cheyenne:(shaking her phone) I can't believe there's no bars..

Stewie: Hey girls.

Both girls: Hey.

Emily: By the way, that was nice of you to send that food to us.

Stewie: My pleasure, anything for my fellow peeps.

Cheyenne: Speaking of anything, you know a place where I can get some cell bars?

Stewie: Of course, I know my place around Cambodia, don't you worry.

Stewie:(confessional, holding a map) Only with this map though. Heh, I'm not supposed to have it. It lists all the places the teams are most likely going to go to. (looks) Which is everywhere but wide open spaces, figures. But no matter, this will be way too easy.

Frylock:(him and Shake are hiding) Where'd the rest of the team go?

Shake: They probably went and had sex somewhere. Girls do that sometimes...right?

Frylock:(confessional) *rolls eyes and facepalm*

(Huey and Riley are looking for people to hunt. Meanwhile, Riley is making some gun noises.)

Huey:(quietly) You gonna scare everyone away like that. I think I hear somebody...

Riley: I feel like doing it, this better then blastin' that elephant rifle man, Imma zap somebody!  
(Huey spots Shake and zaps him. Frylock sees them and remains hidden.)

Huey: Help me get him up, we gotta take him back inside that museum. (Both try to pick him up)

Riley:(straining) Dayum, what this ***** eat?

Shake:(confessional) I might make that baby my slave or something, like make him bring me food. Cuz lemme tell ya, meat lasagna beats un-eatable porridge *burps* I would die of hunger if I had to chew on rock hard substances *holding rockhard porridge*

(Meanwhile, Early and Rusty are hunting.)

Rusty: This remind me of that one time at Lake Monaho daddy. We gon' skin what we catch right?

Early: Mmmhmm. I even brought my other shotgun (holds shotgun)

(bell is heard. All of a sudden, all four hunters appear by each other.)

Riley: Man I gotta sing again?

Chris: No...ALL four of you do! Now make it quick, its a 30 minute show. (grimaces)

(Khmer Song instrumental plays in background. The four sing.)

Rusty: Imma catch a big one, and make my daaaaady proud.

Early: Son, you got lot to learn 'fore I say youre alouuud...to hire hookers! (Rusty: Ah man.)

Riley:(rapping) It's R to the I l-e-y. This dumb game got no balls or eyes.

Huey:(rapping without enthusiasm) We hunters, we hunters. Im gonna make it blunt...Im gonna catch these runts, cuz what are we?

All: Hunters! Wazzzup from Cambodia...We hunters!...We hunters!

Cheyenne:(her, Emily and Stewie are in an open space) So, I should get some calls now I hope.

Stewie: Of course, friend, you will. Just takes some time.

Emily: I never thought of hiding here.

Stewie: The hunters usually look in hidden spaces. When you think about it, where you're standing right now is a place the hunters won't even think of looking in. They'll be looking in all those hidden places. Pip pip cheeerios (starts to leave)

Emily: Don't you wanna stay with us?

Stewie: Nah I gotta go hide.

Cheyenne:(smiling and pulling him back) I thought this was the best place to hide.

Stewie: Oh I know, of course. But I need to go help my other peers. I just want us all to win (smiling big) (starts walking away) Good luck girls.

(Meanwhile, inside the museum, Team Alpha is staring at their victim, Shake. Team Chris stand and watch their empty hospital-like bed until Rusty and Early throw a victim on the bed, whom is Brak.)

Meg: So, what do we do with him?

Renee:(pokes him) He's out cold from a nice shock to the butt. We could throw him off a bridge or something. (jokingly)

Hayley: No really, what ARE we supposed to do with our victims? This is a Khmer Rouge torture challenge after all.

Chris: That it is. Listen, soon, your victim will wake up. Instead of using old-time water torture, you'll think of new torture to do to your victim. When your victim wakes up, you want them to feel like hell burst through them, and torture ideas can cause this. By the way, any torture you come up with has to be legal. (Zorak raises his hand.) No, eating a contestant whole isn't allowed on this show, unfortunately.

Renee: Umm, what do-

Chris:(telling all, mostly directed to Renee) By the way, kissing or any of that fun kinky stuff isn't allowed either, don't want the FCC on my tail.

Renee: How come you looked at me when you said that? You think I'm THAT desperate?

Chris:...Yes, yes I do. (Renee rolls her eyes.) Now, get started!

Renee:(confessional) Shake's my buddy and all, but I follow the whole "staying friends so we won't ruin anything" cliche. I don't wanna give any extra juice to this skeezy show anyway.

Roger:(puts makeup on Brak) Watch, this'll give him skin cancer, I just gotta put a bunch.

Brian:(in a dull voice) I think bashing his eye in with a mascara brush would work a bit more faster...

Roger: Whoa there! We're not trying to kill him, silly. I know what to do, sugar, don't worry. (puts makeup on harder)

Zorak:(pulls Brak's pants down to show Brak's unmentionables (blurred out) and laughs) That'll cause the freak some mental torture.

Brian:(gets out a strange alcoholic drink) He'll feel like a psychopath after ingesting this..(goes to give him the drink)

Meg:(punches Shake in the stomach, which he doesn't feel) That should help, right?

Renee:(laughs) Definitely! (pulls out a sticker banner that says "I Just Crapped My Pants" and puts it on his stomach) It's believable.

Hayley:(laughs) And he's gonna hate this! (puts a George W. Bush mask on his face)

(Girls look at her weird.)

Hayley: What? Just showing the viewing world what I hate.

(Later, everything is a tie. Everyone was pretty much caught and tortured, and Chris was trying to determine a winner.

Chris: Well, I have to say this challenge was waaaay better than the one from our last location. (shows all of Team Mexico beat up and lookng odd) 10 contestants were brutally tortured, (shows Riley, Huey, Rusty and Early) four hunters who should never sing out in public, and how can we ever forget the wise torture ideas? I'd have to say that Team Champion's members got the WORST beating of all from Team Alpha. Not to mention that Riley and Huey caught a lot of victims in a short amount of time, which obviously means that Team Alpha's members get to relax in 1st class to our next destination!

(Team cheers, Renee and Huey high-five each other. Meanwhile, Cheyenne and Emily look disappointed and confused.)

Chris: Guess I'll see you Chumpions at the ceremony.

Stewie:(walking to beaten up and bruised Cheyenne and Emily, with a fake concerned look on his face) Girls, I don't understand what happened, but cheer up. You both are too spectacular looking to be kicked off ya know.

Both girls: Really?

Stewie: Yes yes, I mean it with all my heart. As they say here, the boat sails by, but the shore remains. Good luck! (walks away)

Emily: I don't know what he meant by that.

Cheyenne: I do, he called me and you hot. No one ever calls me hot, just bitchin', nice ass and sexy. (in ponder) He's sincere...

Emily: Yeah, I-I guess he is.

(In 1st class on the plane. Hayley and Meg have cucumbers and cream on their faces.)

Hayley:*sighs* I deserve this (Meg frowns)...I mean, we deserve this, all the way! *both sigh in relaxation*

(Riley and Huey are playing a video game, talking video game language at eac other. Meanwhile, Renee's chatting with Frylock and Shake inconcpicously near the confessional room.)

Shake: Damnit, back to hobo land again.

Renee: Don't worry, I snuck something up here for you guys. *gives them a pizza* Anything's better than what Chef serves.

Frylock: I'm more worried about who's leaving our team tonight.

Shake: Ah man, that's right, we gotta vote!

Frylock: I know, I'm gonna go do that now. Later Ren. (she waves bye as he leaves)

Shake: Heh, so, who should I vote off? You've seen my team right?

Renee: Hmm, whoever pisses you off the most I guess. You're gonna be on here a while, you should enjoy it right?

Shake:(eats pizza) Yeah, good plan.

Renee:(pats Shake's back and smiles) Try not to lose next time, good luck. (leaves)

Shake: Uh, you do the same! Try not to..uh, win. (awkward silence)

(At ceremony, the four are all have an injury from their torture. Chris is tallying votes up.)

Frylock:(whispers to Shake) Pretty confident about this, right?

Shake:(whispers back) Yeah,...her ass is gone.

Chris: Well, nice to see you chumpions here again, all beaten up and bruised. Kindof a funny sight actually, heheheh. So I checked your votes, there is some HATE on this team! You each got one vote! Normally I would result to a super cool tiebreaker challenge, but, I'm running waaaay outta time, so I'm gonna vote one of you out myself and get it over with. I choooose...(shows all of them look scared)...Nobody! (pushes a dummy with a "Nobody" nametag out of the plane)

Frylock: Uh, I'm not sure I understand-

Chris: All of you are safe, this was a reward challenge, meaning, well, you're all safe...for now. (to audience) What will happen next? What third world country will we end up at next? Find out next time on...Total...Drama...Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetooooooouur!


	3. Alaskan Kings of Queens

(Chris recaps last episode. Then theme song starts.)

Challenge: Teams locked in rooms and have to get out in time.

(Camera shows the plane flying through snow. Shows Team Alpha in 1st class relaxing in reclining chairs in sleepwear, nice and warm.)

Hayley: You know, I really hate to say it, but I never expected this much outta you guys. Congrats to us all.

Riley: Well what'd you think we was? Cheap a** servants?

Hayley:(confessional) That's a way of putting it.

Hayley: No no of course not. Look, what I'm trying to say is, we need to step our game up. We can't let the others tear us down.

Meg: I think we should try to relax. We think too much about the game.

Hayley:(scoffs) Yeah, right. That's a good way of losing. Anyone got something smarter to say?

Huey: No no actually, Meg's got a point. We're fine right now. It's good to have some relaxation so we're not too stressed out.

Hayley:(to herself)...Ok, I'll listen to the 10 year old instead. (Looks over at Renee, who's in thought.) Renee, why are you so quiet? (She jumps out of thought.) Don't you have anything to contribute?

Renee:(confessional) Not only do I take crap from my boss, but now I take it from her? (rubs forehead) Eh, maybe she knows I'm helping my neighbors.

Renee: Uh, I agree with Huey. He's a real voice of reason. (Huey slightly grins.)

Hayley: Well alright then.

(Cuts to economy class, with everyone freezing their tails off. The three teams are all sitting together.)

Brak: I know what'll take our minds off this stuff. We can pretend we're in front of a big ol' warm campfire and sing a campfire song!

Cheyenne: You're my kind of person!

Brak: You provide the beat first and I'll sing first! Ready? Here we go...

(Cheyenne does a beatbox beat, with everyone watching without much care.)

Brak: Welllllllllllllll we're stuck on a plane! It is really lame! But we got each other! No need to...ah man. (beatboxing stops, he looks over at Zorak) Heyy Zorak buddy! What else rhymes with uh, other?

Zorak: We're not friends on here, bub. I'm on an opposing team now.

Brak: But what's it make a difference? We're all stuck in this room cuz we're losers! (sobs) Big fat losers!

Chris: I guess I am fat, just like my dad. Hahahaha.

Brak: Wait wait, Zorak! If we were on the same team, would you still help me find a word that rhymes with other?

(Awkward silence.)

Zorak:...No.

Brak:(sobs, his team looks at him)

Shake:(to Frylock) Damn, there's NEVER anything this good on TV.

(Stewie looks at his team, and gets furious.)

Stewie:(confessional) It's times like this where I wish Lois was here. And really, if you think about it, she's has more IQ points than all of these idiots combined! You know what? I might just work with that Team Alpha. It can't be that just luck is keeping them in a winning streak. And of all people, my man sister is there as well. Yugh!

Chris:(over a loud speaker) Attention ladies and gentlemen...and all the other creatures. We will be at our destination in 2 minutes.

Brian: Well, I hope we actually land this time.

Roger: Oh you're so negative poochy!

(The plane drops them all off into the cold snow, with everyone shaking and shivering. Stewie falls into Emily's arms.)

Stewie:(smiles at her) Oh my! You're strong, aren't you?

Emily: Nah, you're light. Believe me, I've seen heavier. (they both giggle as she puts him down)

Stewie:(waves) See you around dear! (scoffs after walking away)

Frylock:(to Emily) What was that about?

Emily: Well I didn't want him to hit the snow. He's still a baby.

Rusty: It's too cold out here dammit!

Chris: Well of course it's cold, we're in a place where the snow doesn't shine! Can anyone tell me where we are?

Early: Back home?

Meatwad: Candyland?

Steve: A strip club?

Cheyenne: The North Pole?

Chris: Well Cheyenne had the closest answer, considering the fact that the other 3 were tooooootally irrelevant.

Zorak: A better question is where the nearest airport is so I can get the hell outta here.

Chris:(holds Zorak's contract up) You shoulda thought about that before you signed this baby, huh?

Zorak:(glares)

Chris: Now, back to the game. Today, we're in beeeeeeeautiful Alaska!

Huey: Which part of it?

Chris: Uh, you know, that's the only thing I'm not sure of, obviously a part where no one lives, but, it's DEFINITELY Alaska, which is perfect for today's challenge. (Chef pulls a dogsled up, with Chris getting on.) Alright, dogs, follow Chef and I to the challenge area. (sleds off with everyone groaning and following.)

(At the challenge area, two normal-looking one story houses are shown.)

Brak: Ooooh! Is there a big ol' campfire in those houses?

Chris: Not exactly. These houses are not as they appear, at all. Before I explain them, things will go down differently today. You won't exactly be working on your teams (Stewie cheers) but with one other member from another team. And more fun? I will be picking them.

Meatwad: Um, say that again. (picks at his "ears")I think my ears is clogged with snow.

Brian: I'm not sure I understand either.

Chris:(a whiteboard with the four teams and arrows comes out) Okay, here's how it's goin' down. There's 2 houses, and 4 teams. 2 teams will work in one house, and same for the other.

Cheyenne: Wait, if you're talking about even numbers, we're missing my buddy Gummi. (wipes away a tear)

Chris: You're absolutely right. So in total, there's 19 of you doops. Let me just pair you guys up, alright? Okay, so Team Chris and Alpha will be in the first house, and Team Mexico and Team, heheh, CHUMP-ions, will be in the second. Listen carefully, first house: Rusty, you're with Meg, Early, you're with Hayley, Zorak, you're with Renee, Brian, you're with Huey, and Roger, you're with Riley-

Riley: Awwwww man I gotta be with the gay one?

Chris: Rules are rules. Remember the coooontract. Okay, next house: Stewie, you're with Sh-

Stewie: Um sir? May I switch to be with Emily?

Chris: What for?

Stewie: Nothing, except that I'm a baby and, well, I think a teenage girl would enjoy or-(remembers Chris's sadism)uh, tooootally HATE being with me, cuz you know, teen moms and...all that.

Shake:...Yeah, he's smart for a baby.

Chris: Ooookaay. You're with Emily. Uh, Chris, you're with Shake. Brak, you're with Frylock. And that leaves a 3 person team of Meatwad, Cheyenne and Steve. Yeah, it sucks being the only 3 person team, but it'll definitely play to your advantage.

Steve:(confessional) Damn right it will! Did you see that girl? Wow, the things I'd do to her...

(Screen from Chris's private room shows 9 cameras with the 9 groups of contestants tied together by their feet with ropes. (think of a 3 legged race) Chris talks to them through a mic.)

Chris: Now, the temperature is nice and cozy warm right now, but it'll get even hotter. You'll have to untie yourselves and find a way to get out of your windowless, doorless, hopeless secure rooms before you overheat to death. So, you all have about, uhhh 30 minutes to get out. When you all escape, I'll explain the next part of the challenge. But for now, use your heads and try to escape into the Alaskan weather. Go!

Camera 1:

(Meg and Rusty try banging on the walls.)

Meg: This is hopeless! I'll never get to graduate, or go to my prom, or find someone to love me!

Rusty: Me either! Daddy! HELP ME!

Meg: Wait, we can just untie our feet so it's less difficult.

Rusty: Oh yeah. (They untie themselves)

Camera 2:

(Hayley and Early have untied the ropes from their feet. Now Hayley is banging and kicking with all her might on the doors.)

Hayley: Seriously, how does he expect us to escape through doors thicker than bone?

Early:(cocks shotgun) Quit whinin' and step back! (shoots walls)

Hayley: How did you get that past security?

Early: I got my ways. (shoots walls)

Camera 3:

(Renee and Zorak finish untying the ropes.)

Zorak: Now find a way out while I think of a better idea.

Renee: No way, you're helping me or..

Zorak:(gets near her face) Or WHAT?

Renee: Or you're royally f******.

Renee:(confessional) The FCC can go suck it for all I care.

Zorak:...good point. We need to get the **** outta here.

Renee:(kicks the walls) Nothing to do but kick and pray right now, alright? Just make yourself useful.

Zorak:(kicks the wall) Egh, watch the tone, missy.

Camera 4:

(Huey is writing something in a sketchbook.)

Brian: Whatcha writing, a will?

Huey: Nah, making a plan so we can try to escape.

Brian:(knocks on the walls) Face it, kid. These walls are probably made of steel or titanium. The guy's crazy if he thinks we can escape through it.

Huey: Well, a lot of people have said through the years that anything's possible, you know? How do you explain integration and revolutions? And what about technology? If all that's possible, then we can find our way to freedom.

Brian: Eh, you're quite the orator.

Huey: I got an idea. Search around for any holes in the walls.

Brian: But how's that-

Huey: Trust me, just go with it.

Camera 5:

(Riley is listening to his iPod while Roger just stares at him.)

Riley:(sees Roger gawking at him and takes an earbud out) What you lookin' at?

Roger: Oh nothing nothing! But uh, I thought we were supposed to, you know, find a way out-

Riley: Heh. Man, that ****'s hopeless, n****. You should just crawl up and wait to die, man. Ain't it clear he brought us on this show so he could kill us and he'll get all famous?

Roger: But uh-

Riley: If YOU think you so smart, then find a way out then! I'm just a kid, you some space alien or some **** you got a bigger brain!

Roger:(scampers away to a corner and sits to think) I guess so.

Camera 6:

(Emily and Stewie are looking around.)

Emily: What are we gonna do?

Stewie: I don't know, but it's getting very warm in here. (sits down and suddenly, a bunch of kit tools appear from his back.)

Emily:(kneels) Wow. Need help there?

Stewie:(looks up) Actually, yes. I have a kit and tools here with a map on how to build it. Mind gettin' your hands dirty?

Emily: Oh, anything to get outta here! (goes to quickly build it)

Stewie:(fakes pity) Oh Emily, I know I'm a baby. But I, I just wish I could help.

Emily: Oh stop it. That'd be child abuse, and I'm against that. Now hang in there while I build this thing. (Stewie grins evilly)

Chris:(cockpit confessional, reading a paper) We at Total Drama Inc. ALSO do not condone child abuse. Do not do it (smirks and laughs) Unless it's funny.

Camera 7:

(Chris is punching the walls while Shake relaxes in a chaise eating a pie he somehow obtained.)

Chris: You suck, Steven Spielberg! And all your dumb movies too! Especially all the Ocean movies! Seriously, putting George Clooney and Brad Pitt together? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

Shake: No no no that's Steven SODERBERGH. Who the hell confuses those two different directors?

Chris:(punches walls harder) AHHHHH! IT'S GETTING HOT AS HELL! HELP ME!

Shake:(confessional) Look, I was gonna help out. But the kid clearly has all this covered. Did you see those massive arms? Gee whiz!

Camera 8:

(Frylock is constructing a device that will help them escape. Brak looks down and watches.)

Brak:...watcha doin?

Frylock: I'm constructing a plasma device that will demolish the titanium walls, so we can free ourselves to victory.

Brak:...wait, what?

Frylock:(sighs, slightly irritated and grins) I'm finding a way for us to win the fun game.

Brak:...oh...oh! Well this game ain't very fun to me! Plus, you're doin' all the work so it's not even fair.

Frylock: It's fine I don't want you to hurt yourself.

Brak: But we're not even on the same team.

Frylock: Well we are for this challenge.

Brak: And I'm hungry.

Frylock: Well-

Brak: And I need to go to the bathroom and this dang room don't even have a-

Frylock: Will you shutup so I can fix this thing? It's getting warmer in here by the minute!

Brak: Ok ok! Jeez!...are you done yet? (Frylock gets angry)

Camera 9:

(Cheyenne looks around the room thinking of ways to get out, her back to Steve and Meatwad, in which Steve is looking at intensely.)

Cheyenne: Oh, I know. We can sing our ways out. Did you know singing helps most life situations to make them better?

Meatwad: It's good therapy, yeah. (sweats) Ah man, I wish I had my wienies here.

Steve: Speaking of wienies, mine's getting dry by the minute.

Cheyenne: What do ya mean?

Steve:(sweats and giggles when she looks at him)

Steve:(confessional) Man, I hate when my underwear get tighter than prep clothes.

Meatwad(turns into a hotdog) Well yall can always eat me when you're hungry.

Steve: Wait man, how'd you do that?

Meatwad: I can turn into anything, cuz I have a meaty shape.

Cheyenne:(gasps) Can you turn into a horse statue? Or a car?

Meatwad: Hmmm, maybe. I never tried it but-

Steve: What about Godzilla, dragons and monsters and-heheheh(whispers to Meatwad) A vibrating bed?

Meatwad:(whispers) Probably. You sleepy?

Steve: Nah man you know what I want-

Cheyenne:(wipes sweat) Guys, what are we gonna do?

Meatwad:(turns into a huge tank, both stare at him)...what? I thought it'd be fun.

Steve: Wait, a tank! That's it! Hold that pose buddy!

Meatwad: Okay but I can't hold it too long though, or else I'll stay this way.

(In the control room, Chris looks at his watch.)

Chris:(loudspeaker to all rooms) Attention morons, you have 8 minutes until total HEAT-struction!

Meanwhile, on Camera 8:

(Frylock is getting frustrated)

Brak: You sure you don't need some help there, Fries?

Frylock: I-I can't seem to get this thing to work-

Brak: My momma always said that there's a good mind in everyone no matter how big or small their head is-

Frylock:(Chris quoting "use your head" replays a few times in his head) Use your head? THAT'S IT! My eye lasers can be strong enough to incinerate both these houses! Brak, hold your ears-

Brak: But I don't wanna die-(Frylock gives him beans) Oh boy! BEANS! (eats them)

Frylock:(prepares his eye lasers) Here goes somethin...

(Chris and Chef in control room, discussing an anonymous girl)

Chris: She'd be feasable if she didn't have those hives.

Chef: Heh, you sick, man.

(Cameras go black, the two see, Chris sips his coffee)

Chef: So, does that mean-

Chris: Heheh, don't worry, the interns'll fix it.

Chef:(walks by window, seeing everyone on the snow) Come look at this man. (Chris looks)

(Everyone is in the snow, clueless. Brak is next to Frylock)

Brak: Whoa, how'd that happen?

Frylock: Uhh-

Chris:(walking up to everyone) Yes Brak, how did this happen? Thankfully, I scanned all 9 cameras and found the culprit (pulls out screen that shows Frylock releasing his death lasers, causing the camera to go black)

(Majority of the cast glares at Frylock)

Frylock:(shocked) What? Like yall wouldn't have done the same thing? The damn rooms had no walls, windows, or anything!

Renee: It made the dumb challenge easier, that's for sure.

Chris:(eyes Renee) Sunshiney, lemme ask you something. Have you ever seen a man easily obtain a million big ones?

Renee: Yes, and my examples include so called "celebrities".

Chris: Gee, I hope that doesn't include me. (looks at Frylock) As for you, if you use your lasers to get through the challenge again, you're immediately disqual-

Hayley: Yeah yeah yeah now can we know about the next challenge please?

Chris:(gets on sled) Follow me to the checkpoint, boys, girls and everything in between. (the rest sulk behind)

(At checkpoint, a huge mountain is seen in front of them.)

Chris: You guys are AMAZING! None of you have even froze to death yet.

(The cast shivers)

Chris:(is given a mug of hot cocoa, slurps it down, and throws it towards the cast) There's the rest. Okay now pay attention. This here is Mount Everest, which stands a whoppin-

Huey: Naw, Mount Everest is in Asia somewhere.

Hayley: Well according to my World Regions class, this is Mount McKinley, don't you look this stuff up beforehand?

Chris:(looks at paper) Ah silly me! The intern didn't get his GED yet and I actually refered to his sheet. (crickets) ANYWHO...Hayley is correct, we are standing right smack in front of Mount McKinley! (camera shows mountain off) It is the highest mountain peak in all of North America, as well as the states. (back to Chris, who pats a glacier on the mountain) No one's tried to climb this bad boy since 1997...until now! (laughs)

Zorak: Ohh brother...

Chris: Remember those duo teams and the one 3-guy team I split you guys into? They still apply to the following challenge. (directs attention to path on mountain) The crew made this race path for you all. It goes all the way up one portion of the mountain, around a few times, and finally goes down to where the finish line is. Buuuut, there's a catch. Aside from it being cold, this will definitely be different from the race in Egypt because you now have something better than camels: jetskis! When you guys are racing, you'll notice random jet skis stuck to the snow. Feel free to get one because they'll DEFINITELY benefit you. The only bad part? It took 4 of our interns to remove it from the sticky snow, and it took them a LONG time, almost so long that they, oh I don't know...ran behind in the race. (all look at each other) Heheh. Oh yeah, and during the race, you'll each be wearing these (shows cuffs, which causes all to groan)

Chris: What? Like you guys are innocent to kinkiness? Now get your frozen hineys on the path.

(Shows all the teams in handcuffs. All are bunched together, preparing to race. Chris approaches Frylock, whose fry is handcuffed to Brak's arm and is floating in mid-air as always.)

Chris: As of now, you cannot use any powers to help you win challenges or you'll be immediately disqualified.

Frylock: That's fine.

Chris:(evilly smiles) That means you can't fly.

Brak: Whoa-ho!

Frylock: But that's how I get around, I don't have legs, man!

Chris:(walks away laughing) Not my problem..

Chris: I suggest you all have a move on, because the orignal team with all their members here before any other rides first class to our next destination! Ready? On your mark...get set...*blows horn* (all run and knock down Chef)

Meg and Rusty:

Meg:(running, while dragging Rusty, who's bouncing from her dragging him)

Rusty: Ahh ahhhh stop that ahh!

Meg: I'm so sorry! I just gotta win this though! (continues running) If I do, I'll be more popular than-

Rusty: Ah, there ain't-ah-time-for flashbaaaaaaa ah ahcks!

Early and Hayley:

Hayley:(also dragging Early)

Early: HEY HEY HEY! (pulls the handcuffs, making her fall) No one drags Early Cuyler, specially no hippy lookin *****!

Hayley: Well too bad cuz I'm a girl that's goin' for it all! (quickly grabs Early's shotgun and shoots him in one of his tentacles. Hayley continues running, dragging Early)

Hayley:(confessional) To anyone watching, I am NOT a violent person. I am against ALL violence. I just...you know...I slipped! It won't happen again!

Renee and Zorak:

(They approach a jetski.)

Zorak: Hahaha! The key to freedom! (pulls the jetski trying to free it)

Renee:(pulling) Is this even worth it?

Zorak:(still pulling, looking at her arms) Your arms aren't worth it.

Renee:(still pulling) Says you. There's a new thing called eating and-what the **** is up with this jetski?

Zorak:(sighs) Hang on, lemme try something(kicks it, becomes unstuck)

Renee: Alright! Shotgun for me..(both hop on and ride)

Huey and Brian:

(stopping after running)

Brian: I got an idea. Hop on my back and I'll get us there fast.

Huey: Nah man, I'm too big for that.

Brian: It's fine, we gotta get there, whether one of us wins or not.

Huey:(sighs) Alright. (hops on Brian's back and he runs)

Riley and Roger:

(Riley is riding on Roger's shoulders, while Roger is running)

Riley: C'mon, run mutha***** I ain't losin' this sh**!

Roger: I'm trying, goodness!

Emily and Stewie:

(Both running.)

Stewie:(pretends to fall) Ouch! I've broken my leg!

Emily:(stops and goes back to Stewie) Oh no, I was so stupid to actually let you run!

Stewie:(dramatically) Oh, go on without me, dear. I'll be just fine..

Emily: Here, I can just run and carry you, come on! (puts Stewie on her back)

Stewie:(confessional) With all competition aside, this girl was reeeally helpful, seriously.

(Brak and Frylock cross the finish line on jetski, with Chris standing by.)

Chris: If you flew through this whole thing-

Brak: We didn't! We found one of them jetskis and WOOOOOSHED to the finish line! Unlesss...if that was cheating, hehe.

Chef:(walks up) Eh, space cat's right, I checked the monitors.

Chris: Okay, I trust you then Frylock..for now.

Frylock: Well what about off challenges? Can I fly then?

Chris: Yep! (Chris, who's bellydown in the snow, slides in to the finish line with Shake on his back, crashing into Brak)

Chris: My tummy feels like an ice cream cone(face lands in the snow)

Shake: Yo uh, skinny Chris, can I get these damn handcuffs off? I feel like I'm in a gay porno here! (Chef starts unlocking handcuffs)

Frylock: Shake, watch your mouth on TV!

Shake: Ah come on, you really think babies watch this crap? Now, the hot women, they're watching this. (to camera) I am available but you gotta be 18 and up and have money for both of us at dinner.

Chris:(laughs) Don't get too bigheaded, my man.

Shake: Uhhh, why not?(flexing)

Chris: So you notice things behind you! (jetski with Meatwad, Cheyenne and Steve hits Shake)

Cheyenne: Woo! Did I make it for a singing round?

Chris: Nope. Not doing that part yet, but thanks for reminding me.

Meatwad: (eats snow) I've started gettin' used to the snow.

Steve: Phew, not me, I'm ready for some hotness. (goes next to Cheyenne and eyes her) Are you ready?

Cheyenne: Oh, sorry. I was just wondering where my friend is.

Steve: Oh, yeah. Sure.

Steve:(confessional, rubbing the back of his neck) Maybe I'd get her attention if I just walked around naked.

(Emily is running until she sees a jetski. She sees her feet start to freeze.)

Emily: Look Stewie, there's a jetski!

Stewie: Oh, my! (jumps off her back and hops on the jetski, while Emily falls over from her frozen feet)

Emily: Oh crap, I can't get up..

Stewie: (starts up jetski) Hmm, not my problem..

Emily: Wait Stewie, only I should drive that, you're too young!

Stewie: Oh, I'll be perfectly fine, don't you worry your yellow head.

Emily:(tries to get out but half of her body becomes frozen) Please Stewie! Both of our teams can win, trust me!

Stewie:(goes up to her) I guess that sounds like...a good idea. (grabs her face) But you have to promise me. Promise me you'll (quickly) lovemeforever?

Emily:(still laying on her stomach, frozen,) What do yo- (Stewie pulls her tongue quickly and sticks it to a glacier) Ahhhh ma tuuuuung!

Stewie:(rides off on his jetskis, bell is heard) Damn it all!

Chris: (from camera room, says on PA) I hear a duet! Sing it!

Emily: Aghhhhhh!

(An instrumental nearly related to "Lose yourself" by Eminem plays in the background.)

Stewie: She should've known right from the start

I wasn't gonna save a spot for her in my heart

I'm in this for the cash, no lash,

Sorry Emily, enjoy your splash when you crash!

Emily:(giberrish) Ehl ehl leh leh, hehlp me! Hehs bahgstahbah!

Both:(Emily in gibberish) It's life, no music, no moments, just rollin'

In the dough-hey,

Stewie: I've only got one chance to spot my chance to go,

to the top of the food chain! Yeeeeeeeaaaah!

Stewie:(looks at self in the mirror, still riding jetskis) Yep, no regrets, man.

(Right after, Stewie and other contestants still racing see an avalanche roll towards them.

Everyone screams, getting rolled into the avalanche as it throws them towards the finish line.)

Chris:(sees all of the contestants frozen) Hmm, random. Well, it looks like ALL of Team Alpha's contestants got here first. They are saved from elimination tonight.

(Team Alpha cheers)

Zorak:(to Renee) How the hell does your team keep winning?

Renee:(shrugs) I honestly couldn't tell ya.

Zorak: Pfft(looks away angrily) Cheaters.

Frylock: Uh, Chris..I think all of our team got here first.

Chris:(sees Frylock, Shake, and Cheyenne) You better think again. I only see 3 losers.

Cheyenne:(looks at them both) Emily's missing!

Chris:(chuckles and walks to a spot in the way back) Nah, she's back here.(wipes some snow off, revealing a shivering Emily, who's got her tongue severly stuck to a glacier)

Emily: Ehhh! EGHHHHHH!

(All of the teams surround her, including her own)

Chris:(to Emily in a childish way) Someone from your team is leaving, so I'd find some warm water real quick! Heheh! (walks away, along with some of the other members, giggling and talking amongst themselves)

Cheyenne:(helps Emily up) We'll be fine Emily, c'mon, we can sing a song while we walk back to the plane.

Emily: Aghhhhh...

(Team Champion is sitting on the small set of bleachers, while Chris stands holding votes. Emily still has the 4 foot glacier stuck on her tongue.)

Chris: Not surprised at all guys, not surprised. But I gotta hand it to you, Fry, Shake, and Chey. You 3 managed to get here to the finish line successfully using your partners, who I believe are mostly in the economy class. Not good, but way better off. Just saying, you all would be even MORE better off if your friend Emily here wasn't playing the Pedo card and trying to kiss an infant on live TV.

Emily:(angrily) Aghhh ehhh ehhhhh! (Shake laughs, while Frylock facepalms and Cheyenne becomes a bit sad)

Chris: First bag goes to...Frylock(throws him a bag) Cheyenne, aaaaaand...Shake. (throws him a bag)

Cheyenne:(hugs Emily) I'll win for you, girl!

Emily:(smiles and drags the glacier and grabs the parachute thrown at her)

Chris:(to Emily) Don't worry, I'm sure there's tons of babies down in Vancouver.

Emily: Nagh! Ehts Stewegh! Hegh teghed ta kehss meh ahn heh lehft meh-

Chris:(grins and kicks glacier, which drags her out of the plane)

Emily(falling) Steweeeeeeegh! Hegh cheghted! EVELGH BAAAAAAABEEEEEEEH!

Stewie:(confessional, watches Emily fall) One down, 17 to go. Well, I'll get rid of many as I can, I suppose. Still, atleast I'm finally putting my 4th grade level brain to work! And whatever comes after that grade and all...

(Team looks at each other with somewhat of a concern)

Chris: Sooo, that is that. Will we ever learn what Emily was trying to say? Will her ex-team mates ever make it to first class? Find out next time on a super dooper episode of...TOTAL...DRAMA...DEEEEEETOOOOOOOOOUR!


	4. TDD Aftermath 1: Part 1

TDD Aftermath 1, part 1:

(Aftermath music plays. Same set used from TDA(TDWT technically didn't happen yet, but it's the same set. Blaineley sits on the couch in the middle, smiling at the cheering audience.)

Blaineley: Hello TV watchers and TV watcherettes! I am your super diva-tastic host, Blaineley!

Moltar:(from control room, chuckles) Calm down, honey, you ain't the host.

Blaineley: Excuse me, I believe I am. Now onto-

Moltar: You're the co-host. Your host should be here soon, he's uh...on a lunch break.

Blaineley:(frowns) Hmm, well, until my co-host gets here, here's what's going on: Drama, drama, and more drama! Not from meddlin' kids, but even better: freaks of nature from some other network! (Space Ghost, the host, invisos in)

Space Ghost:(looks at Moltar) Moltar, do I look...okay?

Moltar: What'd ya eat during lunch?

Space Ghost:(smiles) A lovely fried curry chicken sandwich with cole slaw and a side of-

Blaineley: Sit down already! We don't have time for YOUR drama! We have guests to entertain! AND a TV viewing world!

SG: OH that's right! (invisos to desk, which is next to where Blaineley is on the couch, he looks at cards, then back to the audience) Okie dokie, we have two guests today, and each are from a failed pilot that never became an actual show(smiles to camera) Like Space Ghost: Coast to Coast, THAT is an actual show (smiles, showing his teeth)

Blaineley:(clears throat) WAS an actual show.

SG: Oh yeah, Miss Smarty Pants? I don't see YOU with a show!

Blaineley: You know what they say, having no show of your own is better than having your show cancelled!(Space Ghost frowns, Blainelely faces audience) Speaking of show, the contestants of Total Drama Detour really put on a show with their crazy stunts and bloopers! Check this out!

(Video plays. All the contestants are shown doing things, for example: Zorak pranking Brak, Early chasing people around, Meatwad turning into shapes, Steve doing private things, e.t.c.)

SG: Hmm, Zorak and Brak are on the show...(to Moltar) I uhh, thought they had a contract with us.

Moltar: Brak hasn't since he got his show, which also got cancelled years ago(Blaineley giggles) and uhh..Zorak told you to stuff it and that he was gonna win the million whether you like it or not.

SG:(grins to camera) Oh, he'll win...he'll win a trip to this aftermath set!

Blaineley: Speaking of that, we have our first aftermath guest-

SG: I'll take it from here, lady. (video shows of Gummi's time on the show) The pilot co-star was on the Team that was called Team Champion, or uh, Team Champions? Though his time on the show was short, he had his two friends on his team that kept him going. (shows him dropping into the Mediterranean Sea) Well, until he fell into that big...huge...pool. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome..Gummi!

Gummi:(gets pushed out onto the set by Moltar, who giggles and walks away) Better watch how you push me, man! I'll get a lawyer! (sits on the side couch)

SG: Welcome, Gum! How are you?

Gummi: No no it's Gummi, Gummi with an e! Got it?

SG: Yeah whatever.

Blaineley: So, Gummi, you got kicked off by your ex-teammates because of how you were made. (shows clips of Gummi burning in Egypt) Let's face it, someone made of syrups can't survive it in the hot sun!

SG: Were you mad when your team voted you off and threw you into the deepest darkest sea?

Gummi: Of course not! I didn't wanna be on the show in the first place! I only went cuz Cheyenne was there! I'm basically her manager!

Blaineley: Oh, Cheyenne, Cheyenne. That one might be the new Lindsay.

Moltar:(chuckles, watching TDI on the monitor) No one's dumber than that bimbo.

Gummi: Don't be comparing Cheyenne to her! Cheyenne actually has a career!

Blaineley: Then why would she drag you and Emily to be on the show?

Gummi: I, well, I-I don't know! Ask HER, not me!

SG: I'm afraid we can't do that. But, we can ask her closest friend who was eliminated after the episode in Alaska.

Blainelely: Relax, size 200. We have a bigger timeslot than your show did.

SG: What? Hey! My show had episodes that were 20 minutes you-

Blaineley: Bigger timeslot means more action, more drama, more detour and everything this show has to offer!

SG: So stay on your couches citizens,

SG and Blaineley: We'll be right back! (they glare at each other)


	5. TDD Aftermath 1: Part 2

(Back from commercial break. Gummi is still on the couch, but staying quiet. Interns grab SG's arms and take his powerbands. He was trying to blast Blaineley because of her continous insults toward him.)

SG: What do you mean I can't blast her? Those powerbands are personal and belong to me!

Moltar:(reads contract) According to the contract you signed, it says you can't harm anyone that appears on the aftermath show due to violence and the FCC.

Blaineley:(pats SG's head, grinning) Look at it this way, I saved you from a horrendous lawsuit that would result in you losing everything you have. Well, whatever you ACTUALLY have.

SG:(leans his head on his hand) Man, I hate this planet.

Blaineley: Take it easy, big boy. We have some fans via webcam to talk to.

SG:(reads card) Egh, the first one is a fan of Brak. I wonder why.

(Webcam brings up fangirl who is wearing a Brak mask and has a Brak themed room)

Fangirl: EEEEEE! I'm on the Aftermath show! Hi Tad and Blaineley!

SG: Uhh, you mean Space Ghost.

Fangirl:(giggles) Pfft, I know your real name is Tad Eustace Ghostal, I watched your show, and I still do!

Blaineley: Tad? EUSTACE? (bursts out laughing, and so does the audience and Moltar)

SG:(blushes angrily, glaring at Blaineley) Oh yeah? Well, your real name is Mildred!

Blaineley:...*crickets* This audience already knows that, TAD.

SG:(sighs and leans his head on his hand) So, uh, what's your name-

Fangirl: Mrs. Brak Brak! (hugs Brak plushie)

SG: Umm, okay. Mrs. B.B., how far do you think Brak will get in this crazy game?

Fangirl: Well, I want him to win, but, he's kinda dumb. Although cute and adorable, it can't get you far in a reality show! But I still love you Brak! (makes out with Brak plushie)

Blaineley:(turns off webcam) Ugh, young obsession! We'll go back to the cam when there's less slobber on the lens. (to SG) Care to intro the next loser?

SG:(sighs) Alright. (shows footage of Emily while on the show) Our next guest was on Team Champion along with Gummi. She was friends with Cheyenne, but also friends with, hmm, with a baby. Please welcome, Emily!

Emily:(walks out and sits on the couch)

SG: Hello Emily-

Blaineley:(to Emily, with a grin on her face) So, why's someone that's such a team player on the sidelines after only 2 episodes?

Emily:(rubs back of her head) I accidentally fell into the snow and froze. It happens a lot in places like Alaska.

Blaineley: Really? Was this before or after you tried to make out with a baby on national television? And achieved a pedo status? (audience laughs)

Emily: (facepalms) That's so sick! I never made out with him! He pulled my tongue onto a glacier! Plus, he screwed me over just so my team would vote me out! He's evil!

Blaineley: Oh, I don't think he's the only one that is. (shows clip of Emily, while Blaineley draws kissing lips) So gross! (audience ewws)

SG: I never would've guessed a cute baby like that was evil.

Emily: You and me both!

Blaineley:(scoffs) You both are naive. Emily, the baby was CLEARLY being sarcastic to you all along, and he was using you.

SG: So Em, how does it make you feel that you lost a chance at the million because of an infant? Will you get revenge?

Emily:(shrugs) Nothing I can do now, he's on the plane. But I am a strong believer in karma. He won't win! And he'll get what he deserves!

Blaineley:(chuckles) That's what they all say. (randomly sees people off the stage that hate her) Uhh, let's move on! (to Emily and Gummi) Now, luckily for you guys, you have gathered up quite a few stacks of fanmail. (monitor scans through fan email)

Gummi: Anything from Kim'O'Slice Records? I was supposed to get something from them-

SG: It randomly stops somewhere-(stops at a letter) Oh, there you go. This fan writes:

Dear Gummi,

You are very unique. Attached to this letter is a video of me yelling the Canadian national anthem. Not the regular yelling, but the spiritual kind. I hope you can sign me onto your record company.

With love, Jerry AKA Ready to start with musical career

Blaineley: I don't think we have quite enough time for that-

SG: Aww no I wanna listen! The Canadian anthem talks about back bacon! And I love back bacon! (video plays)

(Gummi and Emily hold their ears while the video plays. After it's done, the audience boos and cheers simultaneously.)

SG: Well, that stunk. It didn't even mention bacon once! Gummi, do NOT sign this vegan onto your label!

Gummi: I don't know, he's got a good yelling voice. That works.

Blaineley: Boring! (looks to SG) Read another fanmail and this time, let it be to our new friend Emily.

(audience oooohs and Emily slumps in her seat)

SG: Ahh. This one's for Emily.

Dear Emily,

I am a big fan. If you get out of your contract with the show, I'd love for you to babysit my little brother. Hope you live life well.

Caleb

P.S. Try not to kiss any more babies, pedo.

Emily:(leans head on her hand in shame as audience laughs) Can we move onto something else please?

Blaineley: Sure, pedo. We have a new segment called "Predict or...predict." So losers, you've seen the evilness of Stewie. And we've all seen the confessionals.

SG: Who do you guys think he'll try to throw off next?

Gummi:(shrugs) I don't know, everyone on my former team?

Emily:(gasps) You're right! I remember when we were in Cambodia and he tried schmoozing with both me and Cheyenne!

Blaineley: My votes go to new Lindsay. (video plays of Stewie schmoozing the girls in Cambodia) He's a player for sure. And by player, I mean playa! Watch out, rugrats! Once this one's out of his contract, he'll be pullin' diapers down by the dozen!

SG:(to interns) How unfair! She's got a trucker mouth and I can't even have access to my powerbands?

(Interns angrily shake their heads)

Blaineley: Enough complaining and tell us. As the host of this show, who do you think will be the next goner?

SG: Um, I think the next one to go will be uh...Moltar, who's the one with the spiky hair and the uh uh, black shirt? And he's got a...you know, one of those punk hair dos?

Moltar: There's no one on there that looks like that...I don't think. My vote goes for-

Blaineley: No one cares, director. (to camera) When we come back, we've got more drama headed your way!

(Commercial break.)

(Back to show.)

Blaineley: Welcome back! Now, let's check the webcams and see if the freaks are gone.

(camera switches to Chris and Chef arguing about something in the cockpit of the plane)

Chris: Look, I'm not doing that for that kinda chump change!

Chef: Oh, you just chicken!

SG: Uh, switch the webcam to a FAN, not my...horrible bosses.

Blaineley:(grins) Horrible, you say? (to webcam) Hello boys, you're on the TDD Aftermath webcam!

Chris: Well, how nice!

SG:(mocks him) Meh meh meh how nice-

Chris:(to SG) Hey! Is that mocking I hear?

SG: No sir.

Chris: Good.

SG: No it's not good. I didn't know I had to be with the evil witch of the wicked east! (refering to Blaineley)

Chris: What? All you gotta do is blast her with the powerbands and-oh! Wait! You can't have your powerbands! (laughs, along with everyone else)

SG:(leans head on his hand) It's fine. As long as I get MY show back.

Chris: It'll come back. Once you're out of your contract. Didn't you read any of it?

SG: Pssh, I can't read! Now if you count books with pictures, then yes, I can read.

Chef: MAN UP, YOU BIG WUSSY!

Chris:(pulls out SG's contract) According to subsection D, subsection...whatever...I can keep you, Tad Eustace Ghostal, AKA Space Ghost, as my aftermath host as long as I-

SG:(sighs) Chris Mcdonaldland cookie-

Chris: Noooo, Chris McCLEAN. (clears throat and puts contract away) Look, bottom line, bro. Flying away into the deepest dark depths of space away from here isn't gonna save you from my grasp. You signed a contract, therefore, you're practically my puppet until I'm through with you. (laughs sadistcally)

SG:(gasps) You fiend! You tricked me into signing that contract! When I'm able to get my powerbands, I will blast you two into infinity and-

Chris:(laughs and glances at Chef) Man, I'm so glad I didn't get Ellen to do this. Nothing beats a psychotic superhero!

Chef: He's been loco since the 90s. (they both laugh)

(Both Chef and Chris continue to laugh, the audience is laughing as well. SG slams the monitor with his head, causing the webcam to shut off.)

SG:(sits back down) Moltar, is this show over yet?

Blaineley: Not yet, drama queen. (looks at camera) Where will the plane take these suckers next? Find out on...(looks to SG)

SG:(sighs) Total...Drama...Detour. (leans his head and sighs in embarassment) It's all a dream..


	6. Borneo To Be Embarrased

(Chris recaps last episode. Theme starts.)

(Camera shows the plane going through some rain. Plane is on autopilot while Chris and Chef are in the cockpit, drowsy.)

Chris:(yawns) There's always something about the rain that makes me drowsy.

Chef:(lays back) Yeah, me too.

Chris:(almost falls asleep, then slaps himself and looks at Chef) Wait, we can't sleep yet! I don't want this plane to crash, okay?

Chef: Man, why not? Can't be that bad.

Chris:(panicky) Yes it would be! Imagine the tragic events that would occur! All my spa tubs would be smashed to pieces! Not to mention all my other luxuries and my automatic hair dressers-

Chef:(focused on the plane) Yeah yeah I got it. Don't get a wedgie.

(Economy class. The three teams sit a bit far from each other.)

Zorak:(sees Rusty and Early snoring, Roger primping and Brian cleaning himself.) Feh, what a bunch of losers you are. It's no wonder we're stuck here again.

Roger: Oh, save that for the confessional. I don't want my feelings hurt.

Zorak: Nah, I'm good. I don't keep secrets, jerk.

Zorak:(confessional) I'm serious, I only use this when I have to drop the kids off at the pool. You don't like what I say, let me know! Then cry your eyes out! Muahahahahaha!

Brian: So what, does that mean you're not a loser?

Zorak: I crossed the finish line in the handcuff thing way before any of you did.

Stewie:(goes to pat Zorak's head) Now now, it's not all bad. (low voice) I'm stuck with neanderthals, so I totally get you. (points to his team, he and Zorak look at the rest of Team Mexico playing pattycake.) Maybe we can settle something and-

Brian: Quit tryin' to form an alliance, Stewie.

Stewie: Shut up, dog. (walks back to his seat and crosses his arms, Zorak raises an eyebrow with interest.)

Zorak:(confessional, laughing) Anyone stuck with Brak is miserable, point blank. Maybe I'll give the infant some pity change when I win. Muahahahahahahahaha!

(In first class, Renee sits behind Huey and Riley, listening to music and not paying attention to anything.)

Chris:(P.A.) Attention jungle bait, get your sorry hineys to the common area for further instruction.

(Everyone rushes there except Renee.)

Renee:(humming to Barbie Girl by Aqua)

(Chris and Chef see she hasn't moved via camera.)

Chef:(angrily gets up)

Chris: No no Chef I got this. (heads to first class)

Chef:(confessional) Young people and their music ear probes. So dang disrespectful!

(Chris pops up beside Renee, who's still humming the girly song.)

Renee:(sees him and pulls her earphones out) I was NOT humming that song.

Chris:(grins) Whatever, Sunshine. Just get to the common area before I decide your fate.

Renee: Real funny. (gets up and heads there, Chris still grinning and watching her leave)

Renee:(confessional) It's a catchy song! So sue me.

(In common area, everyone waits further instruction.)

Chris:(looking around, picking his belly button) What do we do now?

Brian: Wait to die, I guess.

(Door on plane opens, and everyone is sucked out. They land on the ground where there are a bunch of trees. Cheyenne lands in a tree, but falls and is caught by Stewie.)

Cheyenne: Whoa! You're one strong baby!

Stewie:(lets her down) No problem. I do weightlifting stuff at home.

Chris:(walks up, wearing a war dress, laughing) That was one wild fall, huh?

Zorak:(laughs) Nice dress, Suzie! Muahahahahahahaha! (everyone else laughs)

Chef:(throws a war-like arrow towards them. It just misses them as it hits a tree.)

Chris:(frowning) First of all, this is an authentic traditional war dress that members of the Dayak tribe wore back in the day. It relates to our present location: Selamat datang ke Borneo!

Shake: That's a long name there, man.

Chris: That's not the official name, "man". It's "Welcome to Borneo!" in the Malay language.

(They all walk through, folowing Chris)

Chris: What we're walking through right now is the Gunung Mulu National Park. Lucky for you guys, Borneo is the third largest island in the world and not to mention it consists of three different countries. Bigger location means bigger, badder challenges! (laughs, the contestants have weird looks on their faces)

Chris:(confessional, holding a paper) It also means bigger foreign words! And I thought French was difficult! Sheesh!

Riley: So whassup man, we huntin' again?

Early: Yeah I wan' do that again. (cocks shotgun)

Chris: Well, not quite, but you'll be doing something that's a lot similar.

(They stop in front of an enormous cave.)

Chris: This here is Deer Cave, where your challenge will begin. Now, this cave is known to be full and FULL of guano.

Brak: Chris, what's guano? Sounds like Mexican cuisine! Oh boy!

Chris:(grins and slighlty chuckles) Yeah, it is indeed that! But your tribe has to get about 3 kilograms of the stuff and be able to carry it with you through the cave.

Huey: How much is 3 kilograms?

Chris:(scratches head, then grins) Oh, that's right, you guys are mainly American, right? Uh, I don't really know the conversion. Frylock, you're smart. Care to elaborate?

Frylock:(looks at calculator) It's about.. 4 to 5 pounds or so. (Some of the teams 'whoa')

Stewie: Um, actually Chris, I remember from one of my siblings' friends'..homework, that 3 kilograms is actually around 6 pounds. (the others around him groan and get angry) What? (looks innocent) I'm just trying to be accurate.

Frylock:(check calculator again) Damn, he's right.

Chris: Haha, really? In that case, in order to keep your tribe safe, I'd collect about 6 kilograms of the stuff! (Everyone is disappointed) Hey, you'll be thanking me later!

Haley:(confessional) I would've rather had the flying and possibly cheating box be right.

Meg:(confessional, happy) I can't believe how smart Stewie is! It'd be so cool if one of my brothers was actually a prodigy for once.

Stewie:(confessional) The Fryman only has 2 other people on his team. Let's face it, they're all gonna end up on the chopping block here soon. The first step I performed was, of course, making your teammate seem dumber than he really is. (writes it all down) 17 more idiots to go to get to that moolah, yet it's only the beginning. (sighs)

(Chef comes by in a tribal-like carriage)

Chris:(hops on) Once you're out of the cave with your guano, follow the path we made which leads to the Borneo rainforest. You might wanna hustle so your team can get the lead over the others, i.e. make your trek through the cave fast paced. I'll be waiting at the front of the BF to give you further instruction, good luck! (carriage takes off)

Team Champions:

(Frylock, Shake and Cheyenne head into the cave. Everyone else is a bit ahead of them.)

Frylock:(puts fry in front of his face in shame, sighing)

Frylock:(confessional) I spent like 20 bucks on that damn calculator! What'd it do? It made me get out-smarted by an infant, man! Ah well, hope his parents are happy..

Cheyenne:(looks at the wall on the cave, touching the substance) What is this stuff?

Frylock:(looks and gasps) That's the guano we needed! But how are we gonna carry it all? (they look at Shake, who's laying on the floor in laziness)

Shake:(looks up) What? (they look at his lid) Oh no, no no no no! No way!

Shake:(confessional) We're gonna lose this freakin' thing anyway! I don't even know what(in a mexican accent) gwaaaanao (regular accent) is! It's like putting something in your mouth without knowing what it is, how stupid do they think I am?

Cheyenne: You're a cup with a lid, you can just travel through this cave with the yucky stuff.

Shake: I can't! My cup is full of my shake stir!

Frylock:(opens his lid) No it isn't, Shake! (grabs some guano and is about to put it in his lid)

Shake: You put that s*** inside me and I'll beat your buttocks!

Frylock: You make us lose this damn challenge, we'll vote your a** off! (glances at Cheyenne, who nods in agreement)

Shake:(eyes widen, then sighs) Fine, fill'er up! (unenthusiastically fills his lid, along with Cheyenne and Frylock, then hears a strange noise) What was that?

Frylock: Shut the f*** up!

Team Mexico:

(Stewie is stuffing guano into his diaper, Meatwad puts guano into his meat, Chris is stuffing it all into his pants, Brak listens to Steve chatter about Cheyenne while he eats the guano.)

Steve: Pretty much it though. I wonder if she'd like me going commando. Whatcha think?

Brak:(stops eating for a second) Ehh, I don't know. I can barely get a girl to talk to me-

Stewie: HEY! (they both look at him) Quit fooling around and stuff it with guano!

Stewie:(confessional) If it ever comes down to an elimination, my first picks are gonna be either Brak or Steve, whichever one pisses me off the most that day.

Steve: Stewie, you think I should wear boxers or briefs when I talk to her?

Stewie: Talk to who?

Steve: Cheyenne, man! The hotsickle! (Stewie grins)

Stewie:(confessional) And my planning begins!

Stewie: Steve, my man, I think I know what to do as far as that goes. But first we must complete this challenge!

Steve:(salutes) Ai ai sir! (stuffs guano into his pants and shirt)

Team Alpha:

(They've all rolled their guano into balls and are making their way through the cave. All of a sudden, they hear noises.)

Riley: What the-? Tell me that ain't bats I hear!

Huey: It sure sounds like it.

Hayley: Guys, just keep walking and quit the nonsense. There's no bats in this section of the world.

Renee: Which toddler told you that one? (Hayley glares)

Hayley:(confessional) Renee is one piece of work! She's always sarcastic, thinks she knows more than anyone, and, ugh. Something's shady about her. If we ever get bad luck in this game, she's first to go!

Meg:(looks back and sees bats approaching) Uhh, guys? (they all look back)

(They all scream and run through the cave. About 10 bats attack Renee, she runs through the cave, yelling while they still attack her.)

Team Chris:

(All teammates walk through the cave, not carrying any guano. Roger and Brian are the only ones not so sure of this.)

Brian: Uhh, I think we needed to get guano.

Zorak: I ain't holdin' crap.

Roger: But you have to hold something!

Zorak:(chuckles) It's literally crap.

Early: I ain't holdin' it either. I went through these here jungles once and I ain't ever remember needing guano!

Rusty: Someone said it tasted like mexican food! Yummy!

Zorak:(chuckles) It is. Eat your heart out.

Rusty:(goes to eat the guano on the wall, Zorak chuckles)

(The bats suddenly approach, causing them all to run and yell, while Rusty still eats the guano.)

Zorak: JERKS!

(Team Champion and Team Alpha get out at the same time. Though Renee still rolled her guano ball out, the bats still furiously attacked her and she still yells for them to get off, causing her to run into Chris Mclean, causing him to fall and with her landing on top of him. After this, the bats leave. Shake sees this and widens his eyes.)

Renee:(hugging Chris's abdomen, which is showing a lot since he's wearing the war dress, shivering. She's covered in nasty bite marks.) Nasty f-f-freakin' rats..

Chris:(still hugging back, grinning at her) Not so tough, are we, Sunshine?

Renee:(realizes she's hugging him, then, weakly, instantly gets up, looking guilty, shifting her eyes and crossing her arms) Well uh. I would've been tougher if I'd...known there were bats in there.

(The rest asked about the bats, the other teams came out of the cave.)

Chris:(chuckles and pinches Renee's cheek) Like I would've told you there were 3 million bats living in that cave. That's no fun! Chef, Ren looks pretty beat up, take her to the infirmary on the plane.

Hayley: No! She has to stay and help us!

Chris: Fine, I'll let her stay, but bat bites are EXTREMELEY contagious. (the others gasp) Heheh, didn't think so.

Renee: Hey Chris, you might've gotten my bites then. (points) Ha ha.

Chris:(rolls eyes, grinning) Real funny. (Chef takes her to the infirmary on the plane via carriage)

Hayley: What an exaggerator. Bat bites aren't contagious.

Meg: You sure about that?

Riley: Yeah, you was sure of yourself when you said no bats were in there, so how we know you ain't lyin' again?

Hayley:(confessional) Well, I can see that getting votes for Renee is gonna be difficult now. And what was the deal with her and Chris? They've been cracking at each other since day one. Now we're gonna be short-handed today because he's trying to get action or whatever, ugh. I don't know who I hate the most.

Shake:(confessional, flexes) Ren's only resisting me cuz I'm out of her comprehension. But whatever, I got tons of chicks on the side. (chuckles, then its quiet) Literally, tons.

Chris: Don't worry, the bites aren't contagious...that I know of. Okay, since Team Champion and Team Alpha got here first, they both win the first challenge! (they cheer) But it's not over yet. The fun's just beginning! You know all that goopy stuff I had you guys collect in the cave?

(The teams nod, some eat and some are touching the guano)

Chris: It's all essentially fecal matter from bats!

Chris:(picks his nose) What's that?

Chris: Ugh, bat poop, dude! Learn your words! You're making my name look bad.

Zorak:(to Brak laughing) How's that Mexican doo doo, huh? Muahahahahaha!

Brak: What? That's gro- (throws up all over the place, on Meatwad and Stewie)

Meatwad:(touches the vomit on his head) Ooh, it feels like the guano.

Stewie: It's poopoo, you swollen idiot! (to Brak) You, quit bar-(gets barfed on by Shake)

(Soon, everyone is barfing from all the gross vomit, while Chris and Chef back up a bit, laughing.)

Chris:(confessional) It was so much barf. It reminded me of that one time Stewie got drunk. (waits) What the? I CAN'T FLASHBACK ON HERE! HELP!

(Interns are mopping up vomit. The rest of the competitors are in the woods, listening to Chris lecture.)

Chris: Great job on the vomit, guys! About time I had those interns be useful for once.

Shake:(trying to cough the guano out since he's unable to reach inside his cup) I can't believe that's bat crap! I gotta get it out!

Chris: Yeah..I wouldn't do that. You're gonna need it for the second challenge.

Early: Like I told these yella boys (refering to his team) I ain't never remember needin' no poop when I was out here.

Chris:(grins) Really, Early? Did you have to build a vehicle to help you get to the Kinabulu Mountain?

Early:(glares at him) Nah. (drinks some alcohol)

Brian: Uhh. Kina-what now?

Chris: That nasty guano stuff I had you carry out of the cave is ACTUALLY good building material. It sticks really well to wood. (looks at trees around him) These trees are good building material for any vehicle, i.e. great for the guano! Hope you guys got lots of that stuff!

(Early's team glares and complains at him.)

Early:(confessional) I dun need that to build nuthin! I'll find anuther way, I'm telligent, boy! Now quit lookin' at me! (shoots camera with shotgun)

Chris: When you're done building your vehicle, whatever it may be, you will travel six miles to Mount Kinabulu. It's a steep mountain, so, that should determine what vehicle you wanna make. You might wanna stay on the path of the mountain. If you decide to take your own path, you'll probably end up falling..oh, I dunno. The mountain is pretty huge, being that it's aboooout (dramatic pause, then evilly grins) 13,000 feet above sea level. (some of the teams gasp) Yeah, no telling what's below the mountain. Not exactly a candyland, I can tell you that.

Meatwad: Ah man. I been cravin' candy, too.

Chris: By the way (mainly to Frylock) It's technically a race since there's a finish line when you finally come off the mountain, soooo, you can't use any flying powers or any superhuman powers you have to help your team win-

Frylock:(angrily) I know! You told me already! I'm not stupid!

Chris:(grins evilly, chuckling) You sure about that? Mr. I-got out-smarted-by-an-infant?

(The rest chuckle, Frylock rolls his eyes, while Stewie grins.)

Stewie:(confessional) Usually when people feel degraded like that poor guy, they wanna get away from people any way they can. Considering he's the strongest of his team, he probably won't leave early, but he ain't makin' it to the final 5, I'll tell ya that. (chuckles)

Chris: Make sure you build your vehicle fast, fellow tribes. The first one to cross the finish line wins invincibilty and first class seats to our next destination. 2nd, 3rd and 4th place shall await their fates. Just focus on the game. Good luck-

Hayley:(angrily) Now wait a minute! We can't do this with just four people! We're not building anything 'til Ren gets back!

Chris:(looks at Chef, who's in a nurse costume, shaking his head 'no') I don't think she'll be much help to you since she's passed out cold from the bat bites. So I'd work with what ya got. Now go!

(Team Champion. They're all finding ways to take down trees so they can use them.)

Frylock:(confessional) He didn't say I couldn't float around while we were building the vehicle. I guess we're gonna have to make a cart like I have at home, and then one person pulls. But damn, it's gonna be hard not being able to use my lasers. (sighs and closes his eyes) It's a mil, Frylock. It ain't easy gettin' green.

Frylock:(uses his fry to chop down a tree, sees Shake lying down.) Uhh, Shake, get up!

Shake:(gets up) I got no arms! And I'm full of CRAP!

Frylock: Well, they're both true, that's for damn sure.

(Awkward silence.)

Frylock:(angrily) Just find something that will go good with a cart! That's what we're building!

Cheyenne:(brings back berries) We can use these to give the cart some color.

Frylock: Umm, Cheyenne? That's not important to us right now. Can you find something that can make wheels?

Cheyenne:(goes to look) I'll try.

Frylock: Shake, you go find some branches.

Shake:(goes off lazily) Fine, mom. But I'm not pulling that thing when it's built.

(Team Alpha. They have all the wood they need and now they're trying to build a wagon big enough for two. They're using the guano to stick the wood together.)

Meg: Chris was right, the guano actually sticks!

Riley: That n**** betta have soap tho, and we betta be in first place after all dis!

Huey: Man we will, just build. (glances at Hayley, who's angrily building) What's it to you?

Hayley: Ugh, nothing, just build!

Huey: You not still mad about Ren, are you?

Riley: She got bit, why you gotta be mad?

Hayley: She's a total b****, that's why I'm mad!

Meg: Whoa, is it your time of the month?

Hayley:(facepalms) I think it's bogus that she's opted out for some wittle bat bites.

Huey:(chuckles) You obviously don't know nothin' about bats.

Riley: Even I know that them things can give you rabies.

Meg: They could kill her too if she's not treated right or she has a bad reaction.

Hayley:(confessional) Those guys are grade school kids, what do they know? Like some bat bites can kill a person, come on!

Hayley:...Just continue building, we're short-handed and we need to win this!

(Team Mexico. They have all the materials, carried by everyone but Stewie.)

Stewie: Okay, boys, drop the materials. (they drop them and Stewie begins to build)

Chris: Whoa, he's going faster than a cheetah on that one show on Animal Planet. (waits) Oh, no flashbacks, I'll say it then. DAMN NATURE, YOU SCARY! (Him, Brak and Meatwad laugh)

Steve:(chuckles) I hear going fast in bed has it perks too.

Stewie:(almost finished) Ah, with Cheyenne, I assume?

Steve: Hell yeah! I can't wait til she talks to me, then we can make out on the plane in front of everyone.

Stewie: Well, you know, I know the rules to talking to girls the right way, but uh, we gotta win this first.

Steve: Sure! You need some help there?

Stewie:(finishes) Nope, but I know what all four of you can do to help.

(Stewie has built a box that has a chair where he sits. The rest of his team carries him like a king.)

Stewie:(relaxes with shades and a bottle of milk) Pick up the pace, boys. We haven't got time to lose!

(Team Chris. Early has built leashes for his teammates.)

Early: Alright, now yall put them on (gives them leashes)

Brian: You just had to make me look like an imbecile.

Zorak: Pfft, I ain't puttin' that on my neck.

Early: You wanna win or not, boy?

Zorak: I'll hold the leashes. You don't want me bein' a dog, you'll regret it. (puts collars on the rest of his team forcibly)

(Early is walking Rusty and Brian, Zorak is walking Roger.)

Zorak:(kicks him) Go faster, fatty, or next time I'll kick your jiggly behind back to wherever you freakin' came from!

Roger:(goes a bit faster) Ok, ok! You don't have to be so mean!

Zorak: Too bad. I'm mean and green and I ain't changin', jerk! Muahahahahaha!

Early:(whips them both) Go faster, now!

Rusty: Yes daddy!

Brian:(chuckles) That was so wrong. (gets whipped)

Early: Get yer mind outta the gutter or I'll shoot it out myself! (Brian goes faster as well)

(Team Champion. Shake is pulling Cheyenne and Frylock in the cart.)

Shake:(running and panting) My arms-er, hands, are TIRED AS HELL!

Frylock: Well, blame Chris for that, man! I can't use my powers!

Cheyenne:(points) I think I see the mountain!

Frylock: Keep goin' Shake, you're doin' good!

(Team Alpha. Meg is pulling the wagon, which the rest of the team is sitting in.)

Meg: My arm, I think it's gonna fall off!

Hayley: Keep goin', Meg, you got this! (whispers) Think of how popular you could become if you won this for us!

Meg: Oh my God, really? Yes!

(bell is heard)

Riley: Man you trippin!

Chris:(in helicopter with Chef, speaking through megaphone) No, Riley, I'm not! (to all the racers in the woods who are looking up) I wanna hear each and every one of you sing, and I want a good chorus! Mari menyanyi bermula, kini!

(They all look at each other)

Chris: That means "let the singing begin, NOW!"

(Carol of the Bells instrumental is heard. They all sing along with their own words while they race through the woods.)

Frylock: First place is ours!

Cheyenne: Red, shiny cars!

Shake: Girls in my face! Ow, my feet and face!

Zorak:(kicks Roger) Jamaican beef beef jerk!

Roger: Ouch ouch it really hurts!

Brian: I can't believe this is happ-nin!

Rusty: All I needs is a nappin!

Rusty: Hey, quit with all your yappin'! (whips them both)

Stewie: Who is the king?

All 3: Stew Stew Stewie!

Stewie: Steve's gettin' laid, if we get paid. (smiles at screen) Paid first class, I mean.

Steve: Come on you guys, rush it up, I need that girl, talk to me, girl!

Hayley:(comes up next to Steve's car) Ha, in your dreams!

All Team Alpha: You're nothin but a skeeeze ball! (they laugh at him)

Renee:(in infirmary, singing weakly) T-theeeese bites really suck, ughhhhhhhhh (passes out again)

Cheyenne:(looks back and sees Steve) Wow, he's cute, poor thing.

All: Get us out of this place and into a new space, Chris is such a jer-erk. He shall burn in Kirk.

Brak: Cobain?

All:(glare at him, music stops)

Brak: What?

Zorak: Jerk!

All: Looooooooong liiiiiiiiiive Kuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurt!

(They are all on the mountain now, close to the finish line.)

Rusty: My legs are gettin tired, daddy!

Early: Shutup, boy! We gotta git off this here mountain!

Zorak: Yeah! Complain later when I don't have to listen!

Rusty:(falls to the ground in pain) Ahh, go on without me.

(All other teams rush ahead of them all.

Early: EY! (whips Rusty, who's exhausted) You better get up!

(they surround him)

Brian: Quick, someone carry him and we can still make it!

Zorak and Roger: I'm not carrying him.

Early: Me either.

Brian:(sighs) Fine. (picks up Rusty with his mouth and they all continue)

Chris:(at finish line using binoculars) Well, looks like it'll be a tie, huh Chef?

Chef:(looks with his own) Hmm, I dunno.

(Team Champion crosses the finish line, with Shake knocking Chef over. Team Alpha and Team Mexico cross right afterwards.)

Chris:(smiles) Wow! I can't believe I'm saying this, but since the "Chumpions" crossed the finish line first, they get invincibility and first class seats to our next destination! You guys are "Champions"! For the moment, anyway.

(They cheer and hi-five each other)

Riley:(to Meg) Way to go, cottage cheese arm! (Meg frowns)

Hayley:(sighs) Whatever, atleast we're not last.

Stewie:(is angered, but calmly talks) Boys, let me down, now. (gets let down and walks away)

Steve:( follows Stewie) Wait wait, Stewie! I-I know we lost, but-

Stewie: Don't remind me!

Steve: Can you, you know, teach me about, the ways of girls?

Stewie: Sure, on one condition. (he walks away from him)

Steve:(folows him offscreen) What is it, man? Stewie? Stewie?

(Team Chris crosses the finish line, with them all exhausted, and Brian drops Rusty from his mouth, spit-covered.)

Rusty: Ah man, I ain't a chew toy.

Chris:(goes up to the team) Congratulations, LOSERS!

Early:(angrily) What'd you say to me?

Chris: You heard right, Early. Your team gets to kick someone off tonight!

Roger: Oh no, I'm gonna miss my favorite shows!

Brian: Huh, I thought the Champions had a bad luck streak.

Chris:(grins evilly)They did, but I guess having your team name associate my name and a HORRIBLE word finally caught up to you. Sucks to be you guys. (walks away(other teams as well), chuckling)

Zorak:(to Brian) You came up with the name, not me. (walks away, along with the others on his team)

Brian: Oh come on! You agreed to it! You even laughed! (walks away sadly)

(Nighttime on the plane, which is now in flight. The losers are voting off someone, while Ren is in the infirmary, still passed out. Cameras are not in this room(Stuff like the following scene happens behind the scenes, but only you guys can read it. It wouldn't be on TV though.))

Renee:(wakes up and rubs eyes) God, what happened?

Chris: I bet you say that every morning, huh? (Renee looks up and sees Chris on the side of the hospital bed, grinning)

Renee: What's that, some stupid phrase for the cameras? (waves to random area where she thinks is a camera) Hi world! (sees that there's no cameras) What, get money for micro-cameras now?

Chris: Pfft, yeah right! There's no cameras here, relax. Sick people don't bring in ratings.

Renee:(rolls eyes) Just some stupid bat bites, I'm not sick.

Chris: Oh, I don't know about that. Bat bites usually cause rabies, which can kill you-

Renee:(grabs Chris's shirt collar, anxiously and a bit scared) You're kidding, right? I don't wanna die yet, man, please! There's still a lot of things I-I-I haven't done yet! (tears up a bit and lets go, crossing her arms) I-I (sighs and shuts up) Ah gee, the secret cameras'll love that.

Chris:(grabs shoulders and shakes them, chuckling) Whoa! I was kidding, Ren, jeez! And there's no cameras in here, just relax!

Renee:(blushes a bit, while he still holds onto her shoulders) Oh, uhh, I knew that. I was...testing you.

Chris:(grins, still holding her shoulders, blushes a tiny bit) Sure you did. (notices her auburn hair is down and not pulled back into a messed up bun like always) Hey, you know, you should uh, wear your hair down more often. It actually looks pretty.

Renee:(blushes more, smiling) I'll put it in my schedule.

Chris:(still holds her shoulders, almost getting lost in her eyes, but realizes he has to go to the vote off ceremony, lets go of Ren's shoulders) Ah crap, I gotta get to that ceremony. (smiles at Ren) Talk to Chef about those bites, okay? He'll know more than I do. (starts to walk out)

Renee: So, I'm totally not dying, right?

Chris:(looks back, grinning) The bites won't kill you, but that anxiety of yours might.

Renee: Yeah yeah sure. (smiles, still blushing a bit)

(At the ceremony, Chris tries to stop blushing by rubbing his face. Team Chris gives each other looks.)

Chris: So, you guys are here for the first time. I gotta say, I'm very ashamed. Not only did you, like I said, use my name for your team name, and put it with a disgusting word, you also used leashes when I clearly said "vehicle".

Roger: I think I ran faster than a vehicle, I dunno about you guys.

Chris: But props to Zorak and Early for the torturous methods they used against their peers. Too bad it got them nowhere. But it still makes for good TV, no lie! Now, in front of me are four bags of over-expired peanuts. If you don't get one of these, you're gone like cheese! (they all look at each other) Hey, just making the situation better! First one goes to...Zorak (throws him one) Early (throws him one) and...Roger. (throws him one)

(Brian and Rusty look at each other.)

Chris: Hmm, let's see why each of you might have the chance for a free skydive. Rusty, you stayed back in the cave eating the guano while your team ran out of the cave. Not to mention, you caused your team to be in these seats tonight. Brian...well, you named the team. I'd probably vote you off too.

Brian:(rolls eyes) No skin off my nose.

Chris:(frowns) The final bag goes to...Brian. (throws him a bag)

Rusty:(gasps) Daddy, no!

Chris: Daddy yes! (throws him a parachute) Time to fly, buddy!

Early: See ya round, son.

Rusty: Wait wait, I don't wanna leave yet! (Chef picks him up) Wait, no no! (throws him out of the plane) !

(In cockpit)

Chef: Hey man, what took you so long to get to the ceremony?

Chris:(widens eyes) I uhh, had a phone call?

Chef:(shrugs) Okay.

Chris:(to camera) One more down. Where will we go next? Will Team Chumpion keep their butts out of loser class? (glares at Chef) Will Chef stop intervening in my life?

Chef: Man all I asked is-

Chris: Find out next time on...TOTAL...DRAMA...DEEEEEEEETOOOOOOOOUR!


	7. Rio Ain't So Neato, Part 1

(Chris recaps last episode. Theme starts.)

(In first class, Cheyenne is singing to her music, bobbing her head and eating appetizers.)

Cheyenne:(confessional, sighs) It sucks without Emily and Gummi. These guys are kinda hard to talk to, ya know? They always seem to be to themselves and all. I know! I'll cheer myself up with a song! (sings) I wanna be friends, I wanna be smooth, There's no one in the world that smells worse than you..

(Frylock and Shake watch TV, while some interns massage them and give them appetizers.)

Shake:(with food in his mouth) Man, I'm so glad I can be up here.

Frylock: Well, it ain't gonna stay this way if you're lazy with every challenge.

Shake:(swallows) Why must every positive be replaced with a negative? Look, I did my work, okay? I was the one who kept that CRAP inside me, but any appreciation? No!

Frylock: All I'm saying is you gotta "do your work" everytime, alright? Do your part, and we'll always end up here. Maybe even get into the final three, well, maybe not that far. At this point, I'm guessin' top 6.

Shake: Not if Ren gets herself there first! (angrily throws TV remote down, it explodes)

Frylock: What are you talking about? Just cuz her team's had the best luck?

Shake: Ugh! She landed on Chris's man belly, man! She was tryin' to get some action and...be like a prostitute and try to get the money herself!

Frylock: She was bitten by bats, Shake! I think "getting action" is the last thing on her mind.

Shake:(reclines chair) That's what they all say.

Frylock:(grins and raises an eyebrow) What, you jealous?

Shake: Huh? Jealous of who? I'm up here in first class, baby! I'm not jealous of no one! (drinks a shot) No one.

(In economy class.)

Huey:(to Riley) Hope Ren's bites finally healed, usually they last for weeks if they don't kill ya first.

Hayley: Don't worry about her, we don't need her.

Riley: Who was talkin' to you, shawty?

Hayley: No I'm just saying, even if her "deadly bites" don't heal today, she wouldn't be so beneficial to us anyway.

Renee:(walks in, hair tied back up and bites are a little better) That's nice to know. (goes to sit next to Huey)

Huey: Chef must have somethin' fast healing. You seem a lot more able.

Renee: Yeah, I guess it's awesome painkillers, or the bites weren't really that fatal.

Hayley:(clears throat, they look at her for her to continue)

Hayley:(smiles) So, my concern now is that... our skills might not be able to outrun the others this time around, especially the Chumpions up there. They seriously shocked me with their sudden win.

Riley: Man, they was gettin' beat the whole time.

Meg: Yeah, we've been in first class more times than anyone.

Hayley: Way to point out the obvious, Meg, thank you. (glances around the gross economy class) By the way, we can't slack any more. (quietly to her team) We gotta focus on our game and what we can improve-

Renee:(puts on headphones)

Hayley: And how the others will react in a non-peaceful manner and-(sees Renee with headphones on and yanks one out) Uhh, I'm trying to help us win here.

Renee: You don't like what I have to say. Why shouldn't my feelings be mutual?

Hayley:(confessional) See? This is what I hate about her. She jumps to MAJOR conclusions. Okay yes, she's right. I don't care about what she has to say, but...still. I'm the best this team has, I mean, have you seen the team?

Chris:(over P.A.) Attention Yakkity Yaks, our plane is coming in for a landing.

Brian: Ain't that a miracle.

Chris:(over P.A.) Please prepare for immediate jump-off! And I mean now!

(All 17 jump at the same time. They all land on a hot airport ground. This airport has a body of water right next to it, about 50 feet away.)

Chris:(comes out wearing a Brazillian flag shirt and khaki shorts with his usual shoes, and sunglasses on his head. Pulls out a sheet and reads it.) Olá, iscas de tubarão! Or, "Hello, shark bait!" Welcome tooo (shows aerial view of Rio de Janeiro) Rioooooo de Janeiro!

Riley:(gets up) What's with all this foreign stuff, man? When we goin' back to America?

Chris: We are in America! South America!

Huey: He meant the States.

Chris:(chuckles) That's a no-can-do. None of you have rights while you're on my contract.

Cheyenne:(gasps) Did you say Rio de Janeiro?

Chris:(looks at her oddly) Uhh, yeah. I just did-

Cheyenne: Oh my God yes!

Cheyenne:(confessional) Even when I was off tours, I couldn't get to Rio. It's a dream come true!

Steve:(checks her out and nudges Stewie) I hope it's a swimming contest, know what I mean?

Chris: Can I finish here? Okay, as you can see, we're a bit far from anything right now, but if you look to your left(they all look left) Off the airport dock sits four motor boats. Each one contains a map and all the necessities you need.

Meatwad: Food and candy and a pillow to go night night?

Chris: When I said necessities, I meant the stuff that was built on the boat already, like a compass and a special mayday signal which you can use to call for help. And some other stuff.

Stewie:(sarcastically) How informative.

Chris: So, each team will take their boat and race, yes, I said RACE.

Brak: Fast bumper boats oh boy!

Chris: You'll race your boat across the Rodrigo de Freitas Lagoon. Using your map, you'll find your way to the main docks on Guanabara Bay. The first one there will win an advantage for the next challenge, which I like to call: Finding Wonder! Before I move on, I'm gonna give you guys 60 seconds to guess what you'll have to locate after making it to the bay.

Chris: Do we get a hint?

Chris: No, Chris, that'd make it too easy. Buuuut, I will say that it's freakishly huge, old and it stands very high.

Shake: Is it that Chef guy? (laughs, Chef glares at him and throws a tambourine at him) Ow!

Chris: Pick one member from your team to announce your answer. If you get it right, your team wins a very helpful advantage, so I'd use your pea brains to the max! (looks at watch) 60 seconds startiiiiing...now!

Team Chris:

Brian: I have no clue. There's a lot of things that are huge here.

Zorak: Yeah, like womens' tatas.

Early: Imma say it's a big momma.

Roger: But it'd be a waste of time!

Early:(points gun at Roger) Don'tchu mock me!

Team Alpha:

Renee: Chris said the challenge was "finding wonder", so maybe that has something to do with it.

Huey: Hayley, you took a world regions class, what is it?

Hayley:(thinks) Hmm, wonder, wonder. What is the world's wonder (gasps but says quietly) It's one of the seven wonders of the world! (Meg and Riley shush her so she won't reveal it out loud)

Team Champions:

Shake: Where the Rio babes at?

Frylock: Shut up, Shake, I'm thinking!

Shake: You're smart, you should know this!

Cheyenne: But he barely gave us any clues.

Shake: Still!

Team Mexico:

Stewie: Sooooo... you guys have any idea? Any idea whatsoever?

(They all look at each other with confusion.)

Stewie:(laughs) I'm just kidding, I already know the answer. Heheheh. You, you big idiots, I got you! (laughs)

Chris: Time's up! Team Chris, got an answer?

Early: It's a big momma.

Chris: Uhhh, no. Incorrect. WAY incorrect, but relevant I suppose.

Early:(points gun at Chris) Gimme the damn avantage!

Chef:(takes gun away from Early) You'll get this back when you cool off. (walks back to plane with it, Early glares)

(Stewie, Frylock and Hayley raise their hands, all eager and know the answer.)

Chris: What's this? All three of you know the answer? I'm pleasantly surprised at the geniousity you guys have.

Renee:(grins at him) That's what she said.

Chris:(grins back) I got plenty more for ya.

Hayley:(still has her hand raised) Pick someone already, ugh!

Chris: Fine. Team Mexico, what's your answer?

Stewie:(with an innocent-looking smile) Well Christopher, I believe the answer you're looking for is Christ the Redeemer, one of the seven wonders of the world.

Chris: Correct! Team Mexico wins this advantage! (pulls out a GPS)

Frylock and Hayley: What the f***? No way!

Chris: Oh yes, way! This GPS will instantly find the location you all are looking for and give you perfectly explained directions to find it, and..you can use it when you're looking for Christ the Redeemer! Yep, you can take this baby on the go! (Looks to Stewie) Pun intended (he raises an eyebrow) The rest of you have to rely on those crappy ol' maps in your boat. Remember, first one to the checkpoint at the bay docks gets a special advantage as well. Now move it!

(Everyone boards their boats.)

Team Mexico:

(They're on the way to the bay. Steve is driving while Stewie checks out the GPS.)

Steve: You're so awesome, Stewie!

Stewie: I know I know. Now, keep this thing en route to the bay while I give you wisdom of talking to someone like Cheyenne.

Steve: Yes sir, no problemo! (keeps boat in motion)

Stewie:(to Brak) Space cat thing, massage my shoulders.

Brak: Why?

Stewie: You'll earn my respect.

Brak: Okay, sir! (goes to massage his shoulders)

Stewie:(points to Chris and Meatwad) Fatboy and Meat, you keep watch for oncoming boats, make sure WE'RE first!

Team Alpha:

(Hayley is driving the boat, while the others are looking at the map.)

Huey: According to the map, we gotta go west in about two miles so we're going in the right direction.

Hayley:(puts head on her hand while driving the boat, sighing) It'd be a lot easier if we had that damn GPS..

Riley:(giggles)

Hayley:(looks back at him) What?

Riley: Heheh, nothin', cept you got served by a baby! (rolls on floor laughing)

Hayley: I didn't get served, you little s***! Chris picked the dumb baby before me, I knew the answer!

Renee: I don't think he's so dumb anymore.

Meg:(a bit irritaed) Yeah, Ren's right, he's super smart. And don't call him dumb, okay? He's my brother.

Hayley:(looks back and glares, yelling) He's not your brother on this show! (She gasps)

Hayley:(confessional) She'll get over it, I disowned my brother and Roger on this show too! It's only temporary! This is a game, so we're all each others' competition, family or not.

Team Chris:

(Brian is driving. Early gets glared at in the back of the boat by the Roger and Zorak.)

Early: Whatchall lookin' at!

Roger:( Zorak and him smack him) A smacked-up dummy!

Early: You better watch it, boys! I'll-

Zorak: Ooooh you'll what? Shoot us with your imaginary gun? (laughs)

Brian: Hang on guys, I gotta concentrate, here. I have no idea where this bay would be.

Zorak: What are ya, blind? Just look for land.

Roger:(sprays shaving cream on Early)

Early: Ey! What the hell?

Roger: Oh no, was that me? Oh no! I hope it's whipped cream and not shaving cream!

Early:(tastes it and spits it out)

Team Champions:

(Frylock drives the boat. Cheyenne and Shake try to hold in their laughter.)

Frylock:(notices them) Don't yall even start!

(They both laugh. Frylock sighs, watching the front of the boat.)

Shake: You got told by a baby, son! I bet you didn't even know the answer!

Frylock: Yes I did! Chris called him first, it doesn-

Shake: Okay then, prove it, what are we looking for?

Frylock: Christ the Redeemer!

Cheyenne: But we all know that now. (Frylock facepalms)

(At Guanabara Bay, Chef looks out with binoculars on the dock. Chris stands by.)

Chris: See anyone yet?

Chef: I think so. How fast can them things go-*gets hit by Team Mexico's boat*

Steve: YES! I'm ready to tell her!

Chris: Hope no one gets injured today.

Chef: I'M INJURED!

Chris: I mean the cast. You got hit, which means we can't send injured people to the infirmary, you know? (walks up next to Team Mexico's boat, where they all get out) Congrats, Team Mexico!

(Team Champions' and Team Alpha's boats come in at the same time.)

Frylock and Hayley:(to each other) I got here first!

Chris: You're both incorrect! (They both glare at him)

Steve:(runs to Cheyenne who's trying to get off, offers his hand) Here, I'll help you.

Cheyenne:(smiles and takes his hand) Wow, thanks! (gets off) I'm Cheyenne!

Steve:(smiles) I'm Steve..

Chris:(scratches his head) I'm confused..

Chris: I'm getting sick by all the lovesickiness. Now, we just gotta wait for the other team-

(Team Chris's boat blows up before it hits the dock, causing all four of the members to crash land on the dock)

Chris: Okay, who's responsible for blowing up that boat?

Zorak: Me, why?

Chris: (whiny voice) Zorak! These boats costed like twelve grand a piece, and they couldn't sell them in a set!

Zorak: Too bad. It was fun, so go cry me a river, girly boy! Muahahahahaha!

Chris:(grins angrily as he pulls out Space Ghost's power bands, aims them towards him)

Zorak: Wait wait, ok no-(gets blasted) AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (burns to a crisp, Chris grins)

Chris:(confessional, laughing, holding the power bands) Yeah, these are the mighty Space Ghost's power bands. I got his huge belt too so he wouldn't fly or inviso away from my grasp. Ah, the beauty of a contract.

Chris: Okay, now that all you guys are here, I'll explain your next challenge: Finding Wonder! Luckily for Team Mexico, they have a GPS which will help them find Christ the Redeemer in this huge town!

(Bird poops on GPS from up high.)

Stewie: What the douche? (shakes the GPS) No, no! Work you complicated gadget! (throws it down) AGH!

Chris:(laughs) I forgot to mention those things break easily like smart phones from even the dumbest things.

Stewie: Bird doody wrecks it up? Really?

Chris:(smiles) Yep! So, if I were you, I'd find any possible way to get to the landmark, even if it means working with the enemy. (Steve smiles)

Steve:(confessional, excited) I could work with Cheyenne's team! And be able to talk to her! Did you see that back there? She said thank you to me AND she said hi to me and told me her name! Holy crap, I must be a stud!

Cheyenne:(raises hand) When do we get to chill on the beach? And drink shooters? That's what Rio's all about!

Chris: Only place you'll be chillin' on is the plane. Rules are rules.

Steve:(walks up beside her) Ah man, that sucks. You'd look great in a bikini.

Cheyenne: I totally do! You should see my thongkini I got from Africa!

Steve:(drools) I should see, indeed...

Chris: Uhh, I got a show to do here, lovebirds. You know, the show that only lasts like 30 minutes? Anywho, when you finally find the big ol' statue, heheh, IF you find it, one member from your team will attempt to go to the top of Christ the Redeemer and collect the red flag that's up there. The one that collects the flag first rides first class to our next destination, as always.

Hayley: How are we supposed to climb a high statue like that?

Chris: I don't know how you guys are gonna climb it, but since Team Mexico got to the bay first, they win this! (throws them a box of climbing gear)

Stewie:(looks inside) Ooh, this is better than any GPS.

Chris: That'll help you climb any type of mountain, statue, anything high you can think of.

Roger: But but but, how are we gonna climb?

Chris: I dunno, bro. Use your arms, feet, tentacles, anything you have. (to Frylock) And you can't-

Frylock: Damnit I know! I know I can't fly!

Chris: I think you wanna hear this one. If I see you float even one millionth of a centimeter up the statue, not only will YOU be eliminated, your whole team will be as well!

Shake: Hey, whatever, I don't mind being stuck in Rio. C'mon, look at this place!

Chris: Yeah right! As if I'd let you guys roam free around a place like this. I'm not that careless. You'll be taking the plunge like everyone else does, unless you'd like to reason with Chef. (shows Chef chewing up a teddy bear)

Shake:(sighs) You heard him, Frylock.

Frylock: I know, I'm not dumb!

Chris: Good to know. Now, any questions? (a lot of them raise their hands) Okay then, find that wonder! (blows whistle)

(Team Mexico and Champion stay back, while the other teams head off. Steve kept Cheyenne and her team there so he'd talk to Stewie about their special team merge for the challenge.)

Stewie: No Steve, they're the enemy.

Steve: Please please please let 'em go with us! (nudges) I might get lucky, man!

Stewie: Whatever, I'm not losin' this! (Him and the others go off, Shake and Frylock go as well. Cheyenne starts to go but Steve jogs beside her.)

Steve: Hey again!

Cheyenne: Hey Steve! Don'tcha just love it here?

Steve:(glances to her eyes and then her breasts back and forth) Oh yes, yes I do!

Chris: Yeah...I think we should go to break before this gets any more explicit.

Chef: What? I don't mind it. (watches)

Chris:(sighs and looks to screen) Stay tuned for more Total...Drama...DEEEEETOOOOOOOUR!


	8. Rio Ain't So Neato, Part 2

(Team Alpha is stopped at a busy intersection. Hayley sees the statue high above.)

Hayley:(points to it) There, that's the statue!

Renee: We're not really gonna go there on foot, are we? We'll have no chance!

Hayley: Well, you got any other bright ideas? (Renee crosses her arms) That's what I thought.

Riley: Psh, all we gotta do is carjack one of these b******, then we can all just drive there!

Huey: Eh, what've we got to lose? (They head into the road)

Hayley: Are you kidding me? We're on NATIONAL TELEVISION!

Meg: Oh yeah, I forgot! (seductively looks at screen and winks) I'm still single, boys.

(The girls hear a car horn and they look over to where Huey and Riley are in the front seats and the driver is passed out on the road.)

Riley: C'mon, ladies, let's ride!

(Team Chris is still thinking of ways to get there.)

Brian: Uh...I run on four legs. You could all ride on my back.

Zorak: You're too small, poochie.

Early: You can't handle my weight, boy! I gots me some muscles!

Roger: Oh, forget this! We all should just relax and take a bus there!

(The other three complain because it's not dangerously interesting enough.)

Zorak: Sissy.

Roger: What? The Redeemer statue is a world wonder, right? The bus should take us straight there!

(They all look at each other.)

Brian: Oh well, better than nothing.

(Once they board the bus, Brian, Zorak and Early take their seats while Roger hangs behind the bus driver.)

Roger: I'm no sissy, wait 'til they see what I do...(lifts the bus driver up, who yells things in Portuguese)

Brian: Roger! What the hell are you doing?

Roger: This bus is MY bus now! (throws the bus driver out, who yells, and the passengers panic and yell things in Portuguese. Roger then takes a seat and controls the bus) Now let's find that statue and KICK SOME ARSE!

Zorak: (confessional, laughs) I'm rubbing off on him already. I just went from extremely hating him to just hating him, mostly because he got the idea before I did. Heh, not bad, sissy, not bad.

(Team Mexico, who forced Steve with them, is now looking for ways to get there.)

Steve: Man, I wanted to be with Cheyenne!

Stewie: Hey! Keep your mind outta the gutter, we have a challenge to win, then you can go have hottie fun or whatever.

Steve: (sighs with disappointment) Okay.

Chris: I wish we had my bike. I could ride it while you all sit in the newspaper carrier.

Brak: I wish I had my scooter. (sobs) My mom sold it for bread money!

Stewie: (thinks) Hm..we have to get there. I just don't know how...

Steve: (thinks, remembers the first challenge in Alaska when Meatwad turned into a hotdog) That's it! Meatwad's a shapeshifter, he can take us there!

Stewie: (to Meatwad) Is this true, Meat?

Meatwad: Well yeah, I-I think so. (smiles) What you want me to turn into?

Stewie:(slyly smiles)

(He has Meatwad turn into a horse carriage, with Brak, Chris and Steve as his horses, chained onto meat ropes.)

Meatwad: Ooh, I ain't ever turned into this before.

Stewie: (sits in carriage, putting carrying gear next to him) Alright, men, I'll lead the way, you just go where I tell you.

Steve:(frowns a bit) Uhh Stewie? Why are we always-

Stewie: Did I mention I have more advice for your encounter with your blond dream woman?

Steve: Yes, sir! Let's RIDE! (He rushes off, Stewie whipping the horses)

(After a while, Team Champion finds some bicycles, but Shake has some difficulties along the way.)

Shake: Ergh, stupid bike!

Frylock: Shake, cut it out! We gotta get to that statue!

Shake: I cant' get there with no FRICKIN' LEGS!

Cheyenne: Here, I'll just chain you to my bike! (She chains his bike onto hers)

Shake: Alright, now let's-(instead, he gets dragged on the side, holding on for dear life)AGH AH AH!

(After a while, 3 teams are at the front of the statue, which has stepping stones going all the way up (imagine a rock climbing wall, but without harnesses). They wait a while for Team Chris, who appears to be MIA.)

Chris: (looks around) Anyone know where Team Me might've went?

(Meanwhile, Roger is still driving the bus, as if he was in his own world.)

Roger: WOO! I'm the best driver! Watch out for Roger: The World's Fabulous Bus Driver. (looks at camera and around the bus) Hey, does that sound good? You think I'll get a movie deal outta that? Oooh, I sure hope so! I'll be bigger than the guy from that mall cop movie, but NOT size wise, of course!

Brian: Should we force him to go back towards the statue? He's been driving around aimlessly for the past hour.

Zorak: (sips bottle of tequila) Well, he is embarassing himself...let him continue! That way he'll cry when he sees himself on TV! Muahahaha!

Early: (finishes 3rd bottle) Ey, as long as this ol' boy here keeps givin' me this here mexican juice, I don't need nothin' else.

Brian: Ah, what the hell..(takes a bottle and sips) Yeah, now this is paradise.

Roger: Ooh, that reminds me~! (Plays 'Two Tickets to Paradise' by Eddie Money and sings along)

Chris: Oh well, their loss. For the rest of you that DID make it, now's the time to pick your team climber.

Hayley: I'll climb, since I'm the most fit on my team. (the team glares at her)

Frylock: I've got long fries, I'll be able to get up there without flying, easy.

Shake: I hope so. We NEED this win!

Stewie: You boys did all the work, so I'll volunteer to take our team towards the win. How do I know we'll win? (puts on his climbing gear) Team advantages, that's what's up!

Brak: Hurray!

(Stewie, Hayley and Frylock are inches apart, looking up.)

Haley: Uh...are we gonna have harnesses or anything incase we fall?

Chris: (laughs) Don't be silly. Stewie's the only one that gets that advantage. Don't worry, you won't get THAT hurt if you fall a ton of stories.

Renee: Her mouth'll get her hurt before a fall does. (her and the team chuckle, Hayley glares)

Shake: (chuckles as well, walking next to Ren, whom the team looks weirdly at) That was funny, Renny. For that, I just might throw you some bread when I'm in first class tonight.

Renee: (grins) Don't wish for something that's hard to get,(lightly punches him) **Shakey**. (They slightly blush until..)

Hayley: (angry) Can we climb yet? I'm SICK of the drama already!

Chris: Fine, on your mark...(They all grip stones)...get set...CLIMB! (They all climb with all their might, some of the teammates cheering for their respective teams.)

(Bell is heard.)

Frylock and Hayley: You've gotta be KIDDING ME!

Chris: (through a megaphone) No, I'm not! I wanna hear all 3 of you, or NO ONE wins this thing PERIOD! Hit it!

(Similar instrumental of Weird Science by Oingo Boingo plays. Stewie is climbing above them, in which Hayley and Frylock are angry about. They sing.)

Hayley and Frylock:(singing) Weird logic!

Hayley: I would never think to say, losing to a baby really makes me feel so crazy!

Hayley and Frylock: Weird logic!

Frylock: Never seen this shown before, young and climbing statues higher than my IQ!

Hayley and Frylock: Weird logic!

Hayley: There's no way I'm letting go, he's going to lose, nothing's stopping me now!

Hayley and Frylock: Weird logic!

Frylock: I just gotta stay ahead, try to climb these stones, climb these stones...

Stewie: (singing) My creation, is it real? It's my creation, it's my creation! (music stops) What? (looks over) Oh, I was supposed to sing my own lyrics? Oh...well, I guess it would've made sense. I was worried about butchering a classic 80s song but...c'mon, it's 'Oingie Boingie'! Heheh, what was I thinking? (resumes climbing the tower)

(Hayley and Frylock are close by each other, climbing the statue at the same pace.)

Frylock: (climbing and panting) Must...win...gotta...save...smart reputation...

Hayley: (climbing and panting) Must win...then...murder that...large-headed toddler!

(Stewie, however, is just above them, seeming to climb with next to no problems.)

Stewie: (pants, glances back at the two) Now now, don't worry, fellow opponents, I'll try not to brag in your faces when I've won this. (chuckles, Frylock rolls his eyes and continues. Hayley, however, is furious)

Hayley:(confessional) I was not about to let a BABY beat me at climbing a freakin' statue! So, I just decided to see how much of a 'baby' he actually is, even though he seems smarter than half of the people here.

Hayley:(grins and points left) Wow, is that your mom skydiving?

Stewie: (stops and excitedly looks) MOMMY! I'M RIGHT HERE! D-DID YOU SEE ME ON TELE- (notices Hayley chuckling and climbing up faster. Stewie is furious) HEY! HOW DARE YOU! YOU EVIL MONSTER! (is sad, but angrily climbs faster)

Chris: (watches from below with binoculars) This could be a close race! No one is far behind and no one's far ahead...pretty mediocre, but eh..atleast this all smells like competition! Let's make it smell nastier, shall we? (calls Chef via walkie talkie, who's in a hidden helicopter) Chef? You know what to do.

Chef:(chuckles, and uses cannon gun to shoot flying birds at the three. Stewie easily dodges by shifting away from them. Frylock and Hayley get hit as well as swatting most of the birds away.)

Frylock: Ergh, damn flying rats..

(Chris sees that they're close to the top.)

Chris: Who's gonna win this...who's gonna win this...

(The teams chatter amongst themselves.)

Chris: And...we have a winner!

Brak: OH! WHO IS IT? TELL US, TELL US TEEEEELL US! (everyone looks at him) Fine, you know what? I'll just stop talking, how 'bout that?

Chris: That'd be a good idea, Brak...because Team Mexico rides in 1st class tonight! (the team cheers)

Brak:(confused) Well wait...how's that a good idea?

(At the top of the building, Stewie holds the flag in triumph. Meanwhile, Frylock and Hayley are angry about this. Stewie approaches Hayley, who's standing a little close to the edge.)

Stewie: You know, sweetheart, I WAS going to compliment your viciously delicious attempt at claiming the flag, but...you don't play the game fairly, so... (points at her) HAHA you lost!

Hayley:(is taken aback) **I** don't play the game fairly? You have some nerve saying that, especially since you're just a lying, back-stabbing brat! (Stewie looks at her wide-eyed) Yeah, I saw what you did to that girl from the 'Chumpion' team, everyones' gonna find out and you'll be gone in no time-

Stewie: (fake cries) WAAAH! WAAH! WAAAAAAH! (pointing to her) She's a MEANIE! She hit me!

Hayley: Wha? No I didn't, you crap-stain! You're a liar, you just lied again!

Stewie: (sighs) Okay..(walks towards her) I'm sorry, alright? Let's just shake hands..(reaches out toward her)..and forget this ever happened-

(Without him noticing, Stewie 'accidentally' pushed Hayley off of the edge of the statue. She screams as she falls. Frylock sees her fall and stares wide-eyed at Stewie.)

Stewie: (confessional) No one talks trash about Lois but me. Well, she technically didn't make fun of her, so to speak, but...how dare she trick me like that and use the whole 'look there's a plane behind you!' thing on me! (sighs) Unfortunately, word will get around that I pushed her off the statue on purpose. It's not true! I REALLY was trying to make amends with her! She's something fresh and new compared to the riff-raff I've been dealing with. She's one of the most devious players in the game. (grins) And she plays dirty, and it makes my diaper tight-ah! Enough of this!

(Below, Chris has interns push a large pool-sized bucket under where Hayley should land.)

Chris: (looks angrily at the interns) She better fall in there, or you'll be rubbing my feet. Again. (grins, they shudder)

(Soon, she screams and falls face-down into the bucket of mystery. They turn out to be leeches.)

Hayley: (screams as she comes up, flailing her arms which are covered with leeches, she climbs out of the pool, swatting the leeches off frantically, others quietly chuckle) WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Chris: Hey, I said you wouldn't get hurt from falling right? I never said you wouldn't fall into a pit of blood-sucking leeches. There's gotta be atleast one consequence, if not more. I'm a man of my word...sometimes.

Hayley:(notices them on her and frantically jumps out)

Stewie:(notices Frylock and heads over to him) Oh, you there...levitating fryman. I just wanted to say...(smiles) you played the challenge well today. (holds his hand out) No hard feelings?

Frylock: (shakes it) Sure, same to you, but uh...did you just push Hayley off the statue? You were kinda close to her..

Stewie: (raises an eyebrow) No, I was gonna make amends and shake hands with her, but..she was so close to the edge, I guess she just fell off.

Frylock: I've...been wondering something, man. How are you so smart? Do you already attend public school or..-

Stewie: Oh, of course not! Heh, I'm still in diapers for goodness sakes. My family says I was jumping on a bed in a small room one day and I hit my head on the ceiling, but I honestly can't remember it.

Frylock:(slightly smiles) Ah, that explains it. I knew it was something along those lines-

Stewie: Along what now?

(In a flash, Chef brings his helicopter over to them)

Chef: Get in before y'all fall off the statue too! Even though it'd be oh-so funny, heheh.

(Later, when everyone is on the plane, Team Chris is in the elimination room, while Team Alpha and Team Champion are in the economy class. Ren sits by Shake and Frylock.)

Renee:(grins at Shake) So...where's that bread you were gonna offer me?

Shake: Ask Frylock, he lost the challenge for us!

Frylock: Yeah? Well, look at it this way, Shake, atleast we're safe from elimination.

Shake:...That's true. Still, I REALLY wanted some more of those truffles and cheese platters! I miss the awesomeness of first class!

Renee: Don't we all? I can't blame Hayley for putting us here, she fell off the statue. I kinda feel bad for her.

Frylock: Say, where is she anyway?

Renee: She's getting treated for the leech bites in the infirmary.

Frylock: I knew it seemed quieter in here..

Shake: I think someone else is missing too, but I can't figure out who it is!

(Meanwhile, in first class, Cheyenne was hanging out with Steve after Stewie snuck her in there. He told Steve that it was his reward for helping the team win, so everything seemed to go well.)

Steve:(after talking about video games, TV and about himself) But yeah, call me a total dork and loser if you want. I know it's all lame, but it's just what I do, I guess.

Cheyenne:(smiles) Hey, everyone has their own thing, you know? It's cool.

Steve:(surprised) Really? So, you don't wanna avoid me and pretend I don't exist after I told you all that?

Cheyenne:(chuckles) No, of course not. You're really cute and sweet. The only way I'd stop talking to you is if you became a total d-bag or something, but you're way far from that.

Steve:(blushes bright red, wanting to compliment her) T-thanks, Cheyenne, that means a lot. I-I think you're-

Cheyenne: Oh, I know! I'll get us a drink with two straws so we can share it! I'll be right back, Steve. (kisses his cheek and walks to the bar, he blushes and nearly faints)

(In the elimination room, Team Chris wait for the results.)

Chris: So...it's your second time in the elimination room, huh guys?

Zorak:(sarcastically) No, it's our first time eating ice cream.

Chris:(glares, then continues) Anyway, you guys already casted your votes, and decided who you want to go home tonight. I would usually acknowlege them, but...(rips up the votes) I'm gonna completely ignore them!

Brian: So why the hell did we waste our time voting?

Chris: Cuz I love to see reactions like yours when I tell you things like that! (chuckles, Brian crosses his arms and quietly calls him a 'douche') Now, it's unanimous that this person takes the drop tonight, that person being...Roger.

Roger:(surprised) WHAT? But...I've done nothing wrong, I can prove it!

Chris: Actually, I can prove you wrong. Remember when you hi-jacked that bus earlier? That's a major crime to commit in Brazil. My producers informed me that the citizens recognized you and they started calling us off the hook, saying there was an alien abduction and a bunch of other things. What you did may have been ruthlessly awesome and all, but...I can't risk housing a criminal on this plane, so..you're out, bro.

Roger:(sighs) Well, I admit that I can't say anything after that. (takes parachute and straps it on)

Zorak:(walks up to him) Hey, sissy!

Roger:(turns to him) Yes, Zorak?

Zorak:...You ain't half bad. Never thought I'd see you could scare a bunch of suckers, but...you proved me wrong.

Roger:(smiles) Thank you, you're not so bad yourself.

Zorak: Yeah, now...get outta here. (pushes him out of the plane, chuckles as he watches Roger fall) I'm beginnin' to like these ceremonies.

Chris:(he and Chef are in cockpit) One more sissy down, so many more to go! Who will go next? Will everyone begin to see the evilness that is in Stewie? Does Steve finally have his first girlfriend?

Steve: HEY! She's not my first, I-I swear!

Chris: Find out next time, on TOTAL...DRAMA...DETOOOOOUR!


End file.
